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Hi Kathy,
When my kids were little, before I could avoid stores by shopping online, I actually did brave the Black Friday craziness to get some wished-for special toy or other item.
Haven’t done that for years, and like others who have posted, have not really given gifts, either. We’ve begun donating to various charities in honor of our loved ones instead. The only exception is the granddaughters, and they get Caldecott/Newbury award winning books. Real books you can hold in your hands and turn pages in.
I’ve given away a lot of knitted items since I picked up the needles again and will send some hats and scarves up north this season, but that is more about when they were done vs. the holidays. And made with love.
We rarely shop any more. If we need it, truly need it we buy it. Usually online so we can search for exactly what we want at the price we are willing to pay.
I hate that the Christmas advertisements begin before Thanksgiving and the stores are decorated for Christmas in early November. Friends I know put up their trees in November, too.
I refuse. Christmas comes AFTER Thanksgiving, and that is when we begin to prepare.
But, we did get an Echo for ourselves on Black Friday…we’ve been thinking about inviting Alexa into our home for a while. I have to admit, it’s a fun little toy…
Hi Nancy! Thank you for sharing your “rightsized” version of holiday shopping with us. And doesn’t it boil down to that? Finding what works for us without stressing ourselves (or our budgets.) I sure wish it hadn’t taken me so long but like you, I’m very glad I did. And congratulations on Echo…I’m not ready for that purchase but we did break down and finally replace our old tired iphones with the new ones… Shopping “mindfully” if you are going to do it is pretty SMART too! ~Kathy
I wish more people would think minimally for everyday life and gift giving.
I’m a mom of 2 young adults and what I always loved getting was something from the heart like cookies they made and are proud of. Or 1 year I received socks with avocados on them. Those things are hideous looking but I love them so much because it showed my kids know me.
I love your quote, so spot on!
Thanks!
~Allison
Hi Allison! Thank you so much for including your own experiences with this…and with your children too. You’ve got to know that the lessons you are sharing with them will have a HUGE impact on their lives. Sure, gifts are nice. But one’s given from the sweetness of our souls is always more appreciated. ~Kathy
Isn’t that the truth though…filling a hole in your heart with THINGS doesn’t make your heart sing!
Barbara
New blog domain…lost the old one…darn!
http://www.retireinstyleblogtoo.com
Hi Barbara! Glad to see your blog up and running again (even though you had to go with a slightly different name!) And yes, let’s all find inside what makes our hearts sing and do that instead. ~Kathy
Years ago some friends of ours at Christmas said: “We don’t do gifts. We have too much stuff already and anything we want or need we just go buy ourselves.” What a great lesson which we have managed just fine. Instead of crazy shopping lets spend some time and energy meditating or voting or helping the impoverished!
Hi Gary! So very true! At some point we can buy what we need (mindfully of course) and then use our energy on those things we value most. ~Kathy
We buy gifts for the grandkids. Seeing the excitement and delight on their faces is worth anything. Adults? Not anymore. We understand the power of togetherness and family; that is the best gift for us.
I find the entire “Black Friday” push somewhat revolting. Isn’t it rather obvious by now that excessive consumption of material goods brings nothing but clutter to our lives and harm to the planet?
Hi Bob! I agree that the massive push to buy things can be VERY revolting especially in light of clutter AND the harm to the planet. And while the pleasure of buying things for the children can be very appealing, I think there is a mindful way to make them happy AND be true to our own values too, don’t you think? Mindfulness is the key! ~Kathy
HI, Kathy – Your message here is a very important one. It’s sad that advertisers play on loneliness and longing. I don’t believe that I have ever shopped on Black Friday (at least not at a BF sale). I may have missed that gene! 😀
Hi Donna! That’s a good “gene” not to have…but I think that as you point out, the loneliness and longing that would drive many people isn’t something that you suffer from either. What a difference that makes right? ~Kathy
Absolutely!
We have almost completely given up gift giving at Christmas… and pretty much year-round. I say “pretty much” because every-once-in-a-while I find the perfect gift for someone and pick it up. But my favorite time to give that “perfect” gift is when it’s least expected: just because. The last place I want to be the day after Thanksgiving (or Christmas) is the malls. Unfortunately, the ads bombard us whether we want them to or not.
Hi Janis! I SO agree that the very last place I would ever want to be the day (or weekend) after Thanksgiving is at the mall or shopping at any big store. Ugh. I’ll admit that I find it VERY hard to even imagine why anyone would think that was worth the savings. And fighting other people for a deal???? And yes, like you said my email box has been FLOODED with ads and likely will between now and Christmas. So important to recognize and be honest about the “why” behind any purchase. If it fits? Then no problem. I just see so much mindlessness in mass consumerism that troubles me. ~Kathy
Australia seems to have adopted all the worst American ideas. First we took on board Halloween (I hate it!) then skipped over the lovely gratitude/thankfulness idea of Thanksgiving, only to leap on Black Friday sales as our latest copycat idea. Another excuse to join the consumerism gone mad bandwagon.
I go with the idea that if I spend nothing on Black Friday then I got 100% off all the deals!
Hi Leanne! While the U.S. might be the leader, I think all “western” economies are being driven by the same consumerism bug. And yes, from what I understand, even China has a HUGE BlackFriday. I like what you say about remembering that when you spend nothing (ever) you got 100% off all the deals. ~Kathy
Ads and commercialism have never had any effect on us. We don’t watch TV or listen to the radio and only buy what we need. We wouldn’t have room for anything else anyway… But, the dog food was 60% cheaper than usually today and Maya’s favorite dog bone as well, so guess what? We “shopped” on Black Friday. 🙂 Not sure where to store that extra big bag, though. Unfortunately, the Smart phone and router Mark is eyeing didn’t get on sale, so we keep waiting for that to happen.
Hi Liesbet! I’m all for saving money on things that we really need and knowing you and Mark you know how to shop well for such things. I’m only talking about those purchases that we hope will fill any empty holes in our lives. Of course, I think I’m likely “preaching to the choir” here on SMART Living anyway. But it is a message that I think bears repeating and spreading around especially in the coming month. Where ARE YOU going to put that dog food???? ~Kathy
Well, unlike other orders, we hope this one will be delayed. 🙂 This way Maya can eat some more of her current bag. Then, we will have to rearrange, or store it on the floor of the driver seat and hope she won’t get into an unopened bag of dog food…
Ah Kathy – another wonderful message that I can’t help but jump into to throw a wrench. 🙂 Your line about ‘health’ being something you can’t ‘buy’ struck me. Since I am currently facing a conundrum of cervical nerve compression and trying to decide between the less invasive chiro, PT, OT, anti-inflammatory diet for pain relief but not a fix approach or a ‘fix’ approach through surgery. I’m faced with the reality that the more natural approach will actually cost much more than the surgery because of my HMO insurance. But with my husband’s employer being in a precarious situation that might put an end to our insurance, if I wait to go the more natural and more expensive route, I may end up still needing surgery when I don’t have the benefits of an HMO. And even beyond my personal situation– while we like to think that you can’t buy ‘health’ — in reality — in the U.S., your financial status and racial ethnicity is a great determinant of your health, your healthcare choices, and your health outcomes. On an entirely other note, I’ve submitted my business book manuscript to an editor and am now ready to jump back into blogging life…
Hi Janet! You are absolutely correct. I think if you read my post from last week you’ll know that we’ve faced a few health challenges ourselves this year and I agree it makes a difference if you have the resources to make and have better options. I’m certainly sorry to hear you are experiencing a few challenges yourself. But while money, ethnicity and resources do tend to offer better options and health outcomes, ultimately they can’t answer or correct everything (look at Steve Jobs?) And I’ll agree it is tragic when a person is denied health care because of their life situation. But on the flip side of that we’ve probably all witnessed people who have (and continue to) make horrible life choices and then lament being sick. I guess what I hoped to say was when a person is terminal, all the money in the world won’t make them well.
On the other hand–Congratulations on finishing YOUR book! And it will be wonderful to see you back in the blogging world. You’ve been missed. ~Kathy
Kathy – I didn’t see your post from last week. Not sure why but it may have gone the way of some bulk deletes in cleaning out my inbox in preparation for returning to the blogging world. I’m sorry you’ve had health challenges. I do get what you mean about money not curing terminal (or even chronic illness) AND the idea that people make poor choices and complain. The whole ‘healthcare’ industry is so frustrating. I try to take pretty good care of myself — so this hiccup is so frustrating. I just feel like I am to blame somehow for not being perfect at it!
Hi Janet! I know that when we are “deep” into a health issue and the accompanying health insurance mess it can be extremely frustrating–and it also seems like that take precedence over everything else–so I sympathize with anyone going through that. And regardless of how easily “blame” might come to mind–I don’t believe that it is ever the answer! Let’s conserve our energy for self care, healing and moving forward, okay? And I deeply believe that part of that healing process is remembering what we is really important–oh and gratitude–that always helps me!!! ~Kathy
Thanks for your words of encouragement. I already have a better outlook today than yesterday.
Oh good! May it all continue to be better every day!
One of the hardest things, I think, is grandkids. They watch television & see the ads all the time. And we like to buy things for them. It’s so complicated, because we don’t want them addicted to expensive stuff, but we also love their joy in presents. We get just one present apiece, but….
Hi Nancy! Oh yes! I agree that it can be difficult not to lavish wonderful things on our loved ones–especially if we feel like we have so much to give. But you point out something that’s really important–“we don’t want them addicted to expensive stuff.” And I’d add that it’s not just expensive either is it? Things like the latest gadget or the things all their friends have OR what about the vast number of gifts? If my life is any example, once I splurge the first time it gets easier every time after. What I’m trying to do in my life is to take the “long-look” at my actions and then decide if that is something I want to even start. It doesn’t always work but it’s worth a try. Good for you for trying the one present thing. Be strong!!! ~Kathy
Hi Kathy!
I do love shopping with my daughter, and I have two friends whose love language is gift giving. They give me the most thoughtful (and often repurposed) gifts, which really are tangible love and very valued. But I agree that it is so important to keep the holidays (and the consumerism that comes with them) in perspective.
Hi Bethany! I hope everyone knows I’m NOT anti-gift giving. I just try to do my best to remember that buying things, for myself or others, can never replace true love OR make us feel happy or content if we don’t have that genuine feeling inside ourselves. Our society is very good and trying to “train” us that money = happiness, and that everything related to money, like what you can buy with it, determines our worth. If that were true, then all rich people would be happy, and all poor people would be unhappy. Doesn’t work that way does it? Hopefully we are all prepared as we enter the holiday season (no matter what holiday we celebrate) to remember what REALLY matters. I’m guessing that is the only way we’ll be able to truly appreciate gifts that come from the heart. ~Kathy
I do love the sales on items I need to buy like socks and underwear, the perfect gift! Of course I don’t celebrate Christmas so my perspective is different on the buying gift frenzy.
Hi Haralee! Like I mentioned to Deb in her comment, it isn’t so much about buying stuff…as buying anything we don’t need just to fill empty spaces in our lives. I believe advertisers are masters at suggesting that what they have to sell is the answer to our dreams…so staying conscious is a critical part of every shopping experience. Now if it something you really need, or know another person needs, them taking advantage of a sale isn’t a negative. There is much to enjoy and appreciate about this time of year but staying awake and aware is important! ~Kathy
Here here! There’s a commercial that has started up recently on the radio station I listen to on my morning commute, which goes something along the line of “Take charge of your financial future this Christmas shopping season. Loans up to $35,000 to help you gain control of your finances through the holidays…”
I am just boggled at this advice. Manage your debt better by borrowing even more money???? It’s like managing the threat of cancer by ingesting even more carcinogens.
Deb
Hi Deb! I know I’m “preaching to the choir” with this message but I do believe that the advertisers are relentless this time of year so I can always use the reminder. And while I’m not suggested we not buy things if needed, the advertisers would have us believe that our lives will be perfect and transformed — not to mention happy — if we just buy what they are selling. I also LOVE your example because while it can appear that a “sale” or great “deal” is saving us a bunch of money…as you say, if you don’t do it you are ALWAYS better off. ~Kathy