One of the advantages of being a writer for many years is that you have decades of writing to look back on as your age creeps upwards. I have been writing for over 40 years now and putting out articles on this blog for nearly 15. Through the years I have shared hundreds of ideas and curiosities with anyone who wanted to read along. Some of those thoughts I even put into books. At the same time I have been journalling for at least 30 years now so if anyone wanted to blackmail me, there is all the evidence they would need to judge me for my thoughts and actions. Fortunately, what’s most interesting at least to me, is that I can see how I have gradually grown and evolved through the years. So here are the top ten bits of wisdom I think I’ve gained the most.
- Things change. Not only does your body change but nearly everything in life changes. So, don’t get too set in your ways or comfortable because otherwise you’ll be disappointed. That, or else you will spend your energy fighting the inevitable. The good news is that a lot of the change will be better than you could even imagine when you’re younger. Some lessons are easy. Some not. But I tend to think we are here to learn and grow so we can always do that no matter what changes. Plus, as Maya Angelou said, “If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude.”
- Life is much too short for nonsense. When I was younger, I used to do what I thought was expected of me. I did what my parents said, my teachers said, even random strangers at times! Thankfully that’s changed as I learned to know and understand myself—and believe in my own worth. Slowly I’ve learned that life is far too short to put up with people or situations that are only looking out for themselves—or worse out to cause harm in my life. Walk away. Let them go. We all have this power if we decide we do.
- Happiness really is a choice. I don’t write about it nearly as much as I used to, but I believe this deep inside. I’m NOT saying that bad things don’t happen, or that some situations are extremely difficult. But what I know and believe is that no matter what is happening, we can choose to stay optimistic and hopeful. We can choose what we think about any situation. If Viktor Frankl can do it in the Nazi Death Camps, we can do it in our lives today.
- Find a North Star that keeps you going when times get tough. I happen to know quite a few people are anxious and even afraid of the state of the world (and politics!) right now. Sure, some circumstances appear to be very problematic (to say the least). However, if you have some form of philosophy or belief system that keeps you grounded, gives your life meaning, and offers a sense of peace, then when things look like they are falling apart, then you have something that will keep you steady. If you don’t have one—find one!
- Health takes on a huge priority as we age. While each of our bodies and genetics are different, there are still dozens of actions we can take to keep ourselves as healthy as possible. We know the drill—eat right, exercise, socialize, etc. In many ways, I eat far better now than I did 20 to 30 years ago. Besides the most obvious steps we can take, it is vital to remember that we can’t turn our health or our lives over to a “professional” and expect them to always do what is right for us. There is no magic pill that will do it. Plus, more than just the health of our bodies—we must do what we can to keep our minds vibrant and alive. We must be proactive with our health!
- Rightsizing is one of the best decisions Thom and I ever made. I have written dozens of articles about our rightsizing journey here on this blog (and even a book!) so others can search for them if interested. But I’ve learned rightsizing is not a destination—it is a journey—a richly rewarding one. I’m so very grateful we found it as early in our lives as we did.
- Speaking of gratitude—as the years add up, I seem to find more and more to be grateful for in my life. As author Melody Beattie said, “Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos into order, confusion into clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow.”
- Deep love doesn’t just make the moments of your life sweeter—it can be the container that magically holds all the elements of your life together. Thom and I will be celebrating our 48th wedding anniversary later this year. While I always hoped for a good relationship, I never could have imagined that all these years later I would love or cherish him more as time goes by. Finding love and holding on to love isn’t always easy, but I want to be thankful for it every day.
- Connections matter. While I do not underestimate the gift of my relationship with Thom—other people matter too. When we were younger and busy at work or different experiences it didn’t seem to matter as much. But now at nearly 70, I am craving the company of close like-minded people. Taking time to connect and grow closer adds tremendous value to my days. I realize some people are linked like that with family. But if you’re like me, let’s not let that keep us from developing close connections.
- True abundance has nothing to do with how much money in your bank account. Years ago, I would never have believed that. Fortunately, as I’ve grown through the years I’ve not only experienced what truly matters in my life—and I’ve witnessed others who are still in the process of learning that lesson. Sure, it is good to have enough money to pay for our needs, but beyond that it really is the little things in life that make us feel content, wealthy and abundant.
When I first started writing I tried hard to write what I thought other people wanted to read. But I’ve definitely learned that people either enjoy or appreciate how you write and the way you express things–or they don’t. Now, instead of trying to please others with my writing, I’m focusing on what I enjoy writing, reading and sharing. While am certainly grateful for that certain segment of people who appreciate my thoughts on paper, at the edge of 70 it is pointless to be be something or someone I’m not. Plus writing and reading in the world is changing rapidly, so there is no better time to follow our hearts if and when we are guided.
I’m sure there are many more things I’ve learned through the years. The good news is that I expect to keep learning and growing as long as I continue to walk this planet. And like always, I hope I’ve sparked some thoughts in your minds while reading. In fact, if you have some ideas about things you value as you’ve aged, please share them in the comments below. After all, I tend to believe it is SMART to remember the quote that says, “Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside in a cloud of smoke, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming “Wow! What a Ride!”
Nice List! My personal and professional list is VERY similar. After managing 20-person technical groups I found that these formal or even informal rules supported healthy teams and individuals. Just having a “North Star” even a personal philosophy helped us to stay focused on success, group and individually.
After getting people to understand that we are “all in this together” and rejecting personal “power plays” or “grandstanding’, people tend to relax and be more creative, willing to contribute their best ideas, and work-product.
After all of that, I had a sign on my wall, along with other supportive things — despite the fact that you and I knew each other originally as actors in a “Drama Club” in High School, I had a “NO Drama” policy — meaning “don’t act up”, “take it easy and we’ll get this done, together”.
I feel that way about family, friendships, work, community, (“politics” — sheesh!).
Chuck
Hi Chuck. Thanks. And good for you for keeping both your lists in alignment. And I appreciate your addition! In these days that phrase “NO Drama!” is important! ~Kathy
I love your life lessons. I could comment on several of them, but the one that touched me the most was the one about deep love being the container that holds everything else. I think that would be at the top of my list of things I’ve learned. So much that we think is so important really just doesn’t matter. What matters is seeing things as they are and loving all of it. When I get to the end of my life, along with that “ride or die” quote you ended with (love that!), I want to release this earthly plane knowing that I left not one day unloved.
Hi Galen! I think I am preaching to the choir here because I’m guessing that you and most of my other readers already know and practice these things. Still I think it is rewarding to write them out and share them. And of course, always hear back from anyone who leaves a message. And YES to leaving the planet knowing that you left not one day unloved. Sending much love and appreciation from me! ~Kathy
These are great insights, Kathy. I agree we get wiser as we get older, but with some things I keep struggling. Mostly because I feel busy and overwhelmed and there is always so much to do. I’m curious and my interests are diverse. My lifestyle is challenging and rewarding. I need to keep working and writing. We have a dog. We live close to nature and in a basic way, so that often causes inconveniences.
Yet, I love this lifestyle. So, getting older or not, I’m still struggling with picking my priorities, some stress, and lots of necessary tasks. I don’t see a solution for this feeling and the reduction of any of these things. But I do have to admit that not having to work or, somehow, having more money, would reduce some of our struggles.
Hi Liesbet, I very much agree that your life is much more challenging than mine. You “might” find that as you get older (I see you as quite young from my perspective!!!) you will feel some of that urge to be so curious and to satisfy all your interests isn’t as pressing. I’m not saying that I’ve given mine up only that I am better able to focus on the highest priorities of them rather than following them all. From where I’m at I tend to see the “cost-basis” of exploring all that–and then decide if the payoff will be worth it to me and whether it is something I would really regret if I don’t. I suppose it is a fine line for all of us…too much… or not enough. I still believe that we should not give up and let go of what is “really” important to us…but hopefully we get wiser though the years at deciding that “what is really must do!”
And the thing about more money is that it can complicate things as well as relieve them in some ways. I’m guessing if you had more money you and Mark might try to “do more” or follow more of those curiosities and interests and end up back where you are now. I think you know me well enough to know I am a person who strongly believes that we all get to choose. I know you love your lifestyle but there is obviously a “price” that you pay for it. And it will continue as long as you choose it to.
Meanwhile all your friends and fans get to follow along and experience your ongoing adventures and for that we are grateful!!! ~Kathy
Thanks for this thoughtful reply, Kathy. I appreciate it and I’m glad you enjoy following along with our adventures. 🙂
Fabulous list, Kathy. The life that you and Thom have created didn’t just happen by accident. Even though we’ve faced some challenges to our sense of calm and comfort lately, we can choose how to react.
I love that quote… my mother had it framed on her desk (and I think she did a pretty good job living up to it 🙂 ).
Hi Janis! You have a point! We do talk about and think about how we want to craft our future on a regular basis so I agree that it didn’t happen by accident. And it sounds like your mom was a SMART women. ~Kathy
I’ always enjoy reading your articles Kathy. They’re always thoughtful and useful.
Thanks as always, Charles!
This is a great list and one that you probably never would have come up with 40 years ago. I have been thinking a lot about how hard it is to see our bodies age and not be able to do as much as we used to. But the benefits of aging are much greater than I expected. I am able to see and respond to the world with more acceptance, wisdom and gratefulness, than I ever did in my fresh youthful years. It has been a pleasant surprise. In reading your list, I am guessing that you are thinking the same thing.
Well said Martin.
Hi Marian! You are so right. As you can tell if you look back over my articles I like to make lists and while some of the things are the same–others have definitely been updated. I was even thinking I should write a post saying something like, “Things I never knew at middle age that I wish someone had told me!!!” But as you say, just being able to look back and count our blessings is such a gift. ~Kathy
Thanks for sharing your words and thoughts Kathy, it’s always interesting to see how others cope with ageing and changes. You have a great attitude.
Hi Deb. Thanks. It is sort of amazing to see how much our perspective changes if we are fortunate enough to age! May your journey be the same! ~Kathy
Kathy, I am right there with you on the edge of 70 and grateful for life lessons. I am looking to my North Star for guidance and grounding today. Thanks for an uplifting post filled with wise words and encouragement.
Thanks Suzanne. I think reminding each other of these things is VERY important right now!
As always, thank you for your insights, and thought provoking writings.
Thanks Jim. I appreciate your comment! :–)
Good insights, Kathy!
Thanks Donna! I don’t think I’m saying anything that most of you couldn’t say yourself but it helped me to think out loud!
Great list Kathy. Everything will break, there is no easy pill and connect with other loving and supportive people.
Thank you Gary!