I’m the sort of person that if you invite me to dinner I will always ask what I can bring. I firmly believe that doing things together makes just about anything more easy and fun for everyone involved. But this morning I received a great reminder while being taken on my two-mile walk by my dog Kloe. As usual, I was listening to an inspiring talk by Abraham-Hicks and she clearly reminded me that everywhere we go and with everything we do—we take our energy (or as Abraham-Hicks calls it, we take our vibration) with us. Whether invited to a party, talking on the phone, or putting posts on Facebook, we are all sharing our energy and vibration with everyone we encounter. So, are we bringing our Wholeness, wisdom, and clarity—or are we bringing our worry, fear, and pain? For those of us who believe we want to be a positive force in the world, maybe it’s time to claim full responsibility for everything we bring to the table.
One of the best examples of this idea was offered a couple of years ago when author and brain scientist Jill Bolte Taylor was interviewed on the Oprah Winfrey Show. As you might remember, Taylor had a massive stroke at the age of 37 and then wrote a book about the experience. A Harvard-trained scientist, Taylor couldn’t speak or even remember her own mother. The only thing she could do was to feel the energy of every person that came into her hospital room. In her book, Taylor writes, “I really need people to take responsibility for the kind of energy they bring to me.”
Oprah became so enamored with that awareness that she put a sign in her dressing room that said, “Please take responsibility for the energy you bring into this space.” As Oprah said after her interview with Taylor, “Nobody but you is responsible for your life. It doesn’t matter what your mama did; it doesn’t matter what your daddy didn’t do. You are responsible for your life. … You are responsible for the energy that you create for yourself, and you’re responsible for the energy that you bring to others.”
I can almost see all of us nodding our head in agreement. We KNOW this. But if you’re anything like me, chances are good that you forget now and then. Anytime we find ourselves fussed, fearful or upset about anything, we are allowing our energy to become toxic and spreading it out to everyone we come in contact with, either in person, on the phone or on the internet. Is that the kind of person we want to be?
Of course, it is fairly easy for us to spot this in other people. As the saying goes, some people brighten the whole room when they enter—others do it when they leave. We all have that friend or relative that sucks the energy out of every person at gatherings and even when we know better, we often can’t escape fast enough to not feel drained in their presence. We are also aware that watching the television news or violent programming can depress and deplete us—yet without thinking about it, we continue to turn it on and watch. Unfortunately, if we aren’t careful, we not only absorb the toxicity but then we turn around and spread it to others.
I realize that most of us aren’t trained to stop the behavior. Like most of you, I was raised to be a good girl and hide my feelings in order to appear pleasing to others. We get so used to being out of touch with our emotions and even some of our more unacceptable thoughts that we forget that wherever we go, there we are. On top of that, we see examples around us that teach us that other people and circumstances are to blame when we are unhappy or upset. Once we adopt that kind of mindset, we begin to believe that other people and events are the reason for our unhappiness or problems. In fact, some of us are so good at finding blame, we blame ourselves if we get sick or encounter challenges—and then we blame others for making us feel guilty about it!
I get that it isn’t easy to change our programming. As I mentioned above, not only have most of us been raised to think this is acceptable behavior since childhood—our culture reinforces it daily. Whenever we are confronted with something that appears confusing or overwhelming the default mindset is to discover who is to blame. The problem with playing the “blame game” is that it blocks us from taking any possible constructive action. By deflecting responsibility for things, we get to feel righteous about our fear, anger, and pain rather than making any effort to see if we can change all or part of the situation. Anytime we believe that anything originates outside of ourselves, then we are abdicating responsibility for how we think and how we act. Don’t believe me? Ask Viktor Frankl.
As you may recall, Viktor Frankl was an Eastern European Jewish psychiatrist who was held in a German Concentration Camp during World War II. There he suffered every sort of indignity and agony, including the loss of his wife and parents. Yet, later in his books and speaking appearances, he claimed that although the Nazi’s could impose every pain and torture imaginable upon him, only he could decide how he would act, react and behave. Never does Frankl believe we should deny suffering and pain, but he does point the way to living above extremely difficult circumstances.
Clearly, Frankl, Bolte-Taylor and even Oprah all agree that bad things do happen to good people. Yet they all continue to say over and over that until we take responsibility for the energy (or vibration) that we offer, everywhere we go and with every choice we make or don’t make, we stay stuck. And in many cases, we actually add to the problem rather than help to heal it. A real key is acknowledging that we do have a choice, no matter what is happening in our world.
Can you just imagine what might happen in the world if we all paused for a moment before we ever spoke to another person, and thought about the energy we were offering? Can you conceive of how the world might slowly and subtly be changed if every post we put on our blogs, Facebook or Twitter came from a vibration of wisdom and Wholeness? What if instead of worrying about what to take to another person’s house in terms of food or beverage we practiced bringing our very best Self to every encounter? If that happened we might be, like Gandhi said, “The change we wish to see in the world.”
One thing I have always attempted to do here on SMART Living 365 is to share my very best thoughts with anyone who reads them. Sure I experience challenges in my life just like all of you. And I’m also not immune to the pain and suffering we all witness in the world on a regular basis. But for me, this blog is a sanctuary of positive energy, hope, and Wholeness that I not only want to share with others but that I want and need to dwell in myself. Perhaps the SMART thing to do would be to bring that same energy to every single thing we do.
Where I partly disagree
The only area that becomes problematic is when “energy” or “vibration” language becomes too absolute or overly spiritualized.
Not everything negative happening around someone is because of their vibration.
Sometimes:
* people are grieving
* traumatized
* exhausted
* hormonally depleted
* depressed
* abused
* overwhelmed financially
* physically ill
People should strive to bring peace and wisdom into spaces — yes.
But people also should not feel ashamed for having hard seasons.
There is a difference between:
* being human
and
* being chronically toxic.
Hi Carolyn! Thanks for your thoughts on this. I actually completely agree that “Not everything negative happening around someone is because of their vibration.” However, I do firmly believe that when we find ourselves in any of the circumstances you mention, we have the choice of whether we will spread that energy around or take responsibility for it ourselves. I’ve certainly had a number of those challenges in my life but I do my best not to blame others or allow those circumstances to control my actions or especially my future. Is it easy? No. But again I think that is my choice. None of us should feel ashamed for having hard seasons but it is our option to stay there or to strive to come out of them. As an old teacher of mine said, “We all go through hell now and then but don’t stop and buy a condo there!!” And when we are there, i think it is to our credit to not try to drag others into those circumstance either–hense, I am responsible for my energy and what I project as much as anyone else. ~Kathy
It seems terribly self absorbed to expect other people to tailor the energy they bring to conform to our expectations. Do other human beings exist for our benefit, or theirs? “Correct Energy” is not a realistic or fair expectation. Leave other people alone is all you should expect from anyone.
Hi Derek! Hmmmm… I agree that no one should go out of their way to “tailor their energy…to conform to our expectations.” And I don’t think others “exist for our benefit either.” I’m sorry if this post made you think that was what I was promoting. Instead, people can be what they want to be, but I always have the choice whether I want to be around them or not. We all do in most cases. And by the same token, I want to be the kind of “energy” and influence on others that fits with my values. Not for them specifically, but for me–because that is how I define myself. As for expectations of others, I don’t think the human experience is to “leave other people alone.” I believe we are all connected and while we don’t know everyone, everywhere, that doesn’t mean that we should never reach out and help others when we can make a difference. ~Kathy
I’ve learned to just lie low when my energy is cruddy.
It’s always amazing to me to watch how people respond to me, depending on whether my energy is good or cruddy. It’s a fun little social experiment.
Hi Laura! Yes, if we stay conscious enough it can be a very interesting experiment for sure. Of course monitoring our reactions to other people’s energy and/or actions is equally fascinating. I’ve found for me that my knee-jerk reactions very quickly dissipate the faster I can remind myself of the part I am playing in the drama. Not easy but ultimately more empowering than being a victim of anything, IMHO. Thanks for your thoughts! ~Kathy
What a fascinating idea! I hadn’t heard this before. I would like to put it up…in every room of the house, but especially my office!
Hi Rena! Glad you liked it…and yes! I think it would be very valuable to have hanging everywhere in our house AND car! ~Kathy
What a wonderful post, Kathy! You certainly walk the walk when it comes to bringing positive energy to the party. I appreciate your generosity of spirit and willingness to share all that you learn.
Hi Roxanne! Thank you. It sounds like I’ve been successful at keeping any less than positive energy to myself 🙂 May I continue to do so. ~Kathy
Thank you for this. I will link to this blog post and write about my own experiences. You have hit the nail on the head!
Barbara
Hi Barbara! I’m glad you found this helpful. If you’re anything like me you can use as many reminders as you can find. And yes, thanks for the share and/or links. You KNOW those are always helpful to a fellow blogger! ~Kathy
I thought so much about this over the weekend. My husband works in DC Monday through Friday and is around Saturday and Sunday. He comes home tired at times he comes home beaten down by work at times. The problem really is the energy he brings into the space. And then he’s not around long enough to let it all dissipate, leaves, and comes back again with that same damn energy !
Hi Carla! Oh I am so sorry to hear that your husband is so drained by his work. As I’ve mentioned on the blog before, I keep reading about how the unhappiest people in our country are those with long commutes. I can only hope for you both that you can find a way to resolve that. I can’t help but believe that it would be a benefit to you both. Of course, a real key in the blog post is being aware and conscious of the energy WE are putting out. It is always easier to see in others than ourselves! ~Kathy
Brilliant post, Kathy! I definitely find your blog to be filled with “positive energy, hope, and wholeness.” Thank you for the inspiration and encouragement.
Hi Donna. Thank you. I surely do my best and like I said, this blog is something that helps me stay focused on what I want to experience in my life. While I am far from perfect, I know exactly how far I’ve come. Thanks for your comment. ~Kathy
I can just hear Oprah’s voice in the quote you brought forward to share with us! I listened to her program for many years, and miss it. I have leaned to be very conscious of the energy I carry around with me. A lot of the time, it is positive…but sometimes it’s not. Those are the times I bring myself up short and make conscious changes. Being consistent and aware with this is our life’s work!
Hi Diane! Yes, doesn’t that fit Oprah so well. And I also remember Maya Angelou saying something about she never allowed anyone in her home that cursed or used “violent language” for exactly the same reason. But I think so many of us condition ourselves to be numb to the consequences of that and our own participation. I so-so-so agree with you in saying that being conscious and “being consistent and aware with this is our life’s work!” Thank you for your comment. ~Kathy
It is so much easier to feel the energy others give off than to be aware of what we are putting out there. This is a great reminder to practice self-awareness and to strive to bring our best selves wherever and whenever we can. I’m happy to say that you definitely practice what you advocate.
Hi Janis! Oh yes…when I thought about it over the last week or so I thought the same thing. I think it’s become fairly popular to “judge” how other people are doing and whether they are being positive or negative. But we don’t always look at ourselves. Guilty! I think I do it fairly well here on SMART Living because I’ve got time to reflect on the message I want to convey. It’s that spur of the moment energy that happens constantly throughout our day, everywhere we go. I’m doing my best to make a conscious effort to make that self-awareness as mindful as possible. Thanks for your encouragement. ~Kathy
As always, thank you Kathy for being such a bright source of positive energy.
Hi Nora! Thank you. I’m happy to say that most of the time I am able to “bring” that energy to what I am doing–and certainly here on SMART Living. And I’m counting on all of you to remind me if that changes! ~Kathy
Very beautiful advice, at least for the general case and for the everyday lives of most people. Certainly a good thing to strive for always as an ideal, too.
I would venture to say, however, that it may not be a fair thing to ask of those who are most broken. There is a limit to every person’s strength, and not everyone is as strong as Frankl. Also, I am not willing to judge another person for not being able to do a thing, just because I am able to do it.
Hi Carol! I know that it is a challenging concept especially for those, as you say, feel most broken. And trust me–I’m no Frankl! But I’ve always felt that it is far better to shine a ray of hope to those who are feeling their worst, or in the worst positions, to know that transformation is always a possibility. I won’t pretend it would be easy, just possible. To my way of thinking, hopelessness is the absolute worst condition of all…so I continue to do my best to remember that myself! ~Kathy
Great post. I try, I really do try to bring encouragement and hope to people I meet. My blog does the same thing. I think we are often on the same page. http://boomerhighway.org/conversation-versus-confrontation-affects-our-children/
In a world where there are many voices, many ideas, and often lots of lies–it feels cleansing to realize that within each of us lies the power to discern, to make a decision. Mine is to find truth, to hold it close, to help others, to believe in goodness. It’s out there, we just have to find it and hold it out for everyone to see. Blessings on Frankl.
Hi Beth! Yes us bloggers who’ve been at it a while realize that having a “mission” for our blog that we can align with is a HUGE reason why we do it. Many of your posts inspire me (or make me think) and I consider both of those highly valuable. Good for you for finding yours and continuing to share it with us all. ~Kathy
P.S. sorry everyone that comment luv is not working on this site. I can’t figure out the problem so will disable it again.
You succeed in bringing your best here! It is true we all know a Debbie Downer and a Gripey Guss and like you say they can suck the life out of you, if you let them.
Hi Haralee! Thank you! As I said in the post it is tempting for me to be distracted by all the “stuff” happening in the world that I would love to see changed. But I continue to believe that the one thing we have MOST control over is how we act and react in the face of circumstances. This blog is a huge gift to me and for all those who wonder why we do it–I’m proof positive that it’s one of the best things I do with my life….at least for now. I’m hoping you get the same (and more) benefits from your own. Thank you for your encouragement. ~Kathy
Thank you for bringing your best, Kathy. And thank you for the energy you bring to the world. It has certainly added to the joy in my life, time and time again.
Hi Jamie! Thank you so much. It’s always nice to hear but even better when it comes from someone you have known a long time! May the next 25+ years be filled with goodness, peace and positive energy for the planet and every person on it in ways we can only imagine. ~Kathy