For as long as I can remember I have always encountered a new year with optimism and hope. Even when Y2K or the Mayan 2012 (remember them?) loomed on the horizon and then passed, I continued to believe that any obstacle we faced in a new year could be overcome by either going over, around, or through the problems in front of us. Now at the beginning of 2024, we are faced with new and interesting challenges. But again, it is not my nature to resort to believing that optimism and hope are suddenly impossible. As I, and others far wiser than me have said, “Pain may be inevitable, but suffering is always optional.” With that in mind, I’ve spent the last few days of this year coming up with what I believe are ten ways to embrace more happiness and hope in the coming 365.
Of course, I don’t deny or diminish the fact that others in the world face far more difficult challenges than I. But how would my sliding into despair or worry help those in need? If I’m huddled in my bed under the covers, how can I ever be of service to the planet? Likewise, if I ignore the world and medicate myself with mindless television, drugs, booze, shopping or magical thinking, how can one consider that really living? I drew inspiration this morning from author Elizabeth Gilbert. In one of her recent books, Big Magic she quotes a poet by the name of Jack Gilbert who inspired her as she explored what makes for hopeful and creative living beyond fear.
Jack Gilbert was no Pollyanna. Not only did he live through his own personal tragedy and pain, his poetry continually reflects the emotions of a fully engaged life. He also seemed to recognize that anything important takes time, discipline and effort—the combination of which can certainly be difficult. He openly acknowledged that it takes great courage, determination and maturity not to falter and fall in the world. To Jack Gilbert, giving into despair, discouragement or fear was to sacrifice the gift of living full out. A portion of his poem, A Brief For The Defense states it clearly.
We must risk delight. We can do without pleasure,
but not delight. Not enjoyment. We must have
the stubbornness to accept our gladness in the ruthless
furnace of this world. To make injustice the only
measure of our attention is to praise the Devil.
If the locomotive of the Lord runs us down,
we should give thanks that the end had magnitude.
We must admit there will be music despite everything.
With an intention to risk delight and hold the space of stubborn happiness, here are ten actions I intend to adopt in the coming days.
- Believe you deserve to be happy in spite of circumstances. Unless you acknowledge that you deserve happiness, then it’s unlikely you will give yourself permission to do what it takes to find and hang on to it. This is not to normalize, deny or resist the problems we face but rather to transform them into whatever is most healing for ourselves and others. And to, as Jack Gilbert admonishes us, “admit there will be music despite everything.”
- Refuse to give up your happiness because others aren’t happy. Author and guide Abraham-Hicks constantly remind us to beware of anyone who tells us that our personal happiness is an act of selfishness. That’s likely because that person or organization is trying to manipulate or control us into behaving in ways that make them happy.
- Realize you are most effective in the world and able to create positive change when you come from a place of happiness and wellbeing. As the Buddha said, “Thousands of candles can be lighted from a single candle and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared.”
- Make feeling happy and at peaceful your number one goal. When making New Year’s Resolutions or other intentions for the coming year, few people list “happiness.” Why? Why not put happiness, wellbeing or gladness at the top and then let everything else flow from there? When you allow the emotion of happiness to be a base-point your life, you set yourself up to bring joy to every action.
- Decide to get yourself in a happy mood or at least a feeling of wellbeing before making any important decisions. This is another thing I’ve learned from Abraham-Hicks that makes a lot of sense. When we are in a calm, relaxed and happy state we think more clearly and make better decisions. If we did this with greater mindfulness, every decision would surely bring better results.
- Consciously hang out with other happy and optimistic people. Do others in your life continually remind you of all that is wrong in the world? Do they complain or ruminate on their health of that of others? Are they convinced the world is going to hell in a hand basket? As I’ve written before, the people around us are contagious. Decide today to stay away from those who drag you down and seek out those who lift you up. More importantly, strive to be a person who offers happiness and hope to everyone you encounter.
- Treat yourself like a really good friend. Talk kindly and soothingly to yourself. Eat well, get good sleep, and stay physically active. Take yourself dancing and play on a regular basis. It’s very easy to look to other people to be our best friend. But until we start treating ourselves at least as well as we would someone we love and care for, our inner being will suffer. By befriending and caring for ourselves, we grow stronger, healthier and more able to engage with life.
- Measure your personal success by the degree of your happiness and wellbeing. How many of us use the amount of money in our bank account, the car we drive, the home we own, and the number of our friends or whatever else to tell us that we are successful? Refuse to let pain or worry be the measure of your caring. Instead, allow yourself the gift of using your own hope and happiness as the ultimate measure of a successful life.
- Realize that trying to make other people happy is impossible. You can never be miserable enough to make unhappy people happy; you can never martyr yourself enough to satisfy a martyr.
- Do what you do because you find satisfaction and fulfillment when you are actively engaged in helping others and spreading good in the world—not because it is a ticket to somewhere once you die. If you are giving out of guilt or trying to buy favor, not only are you sacrificing your happiness, your efforts are diminished. Likewise, you are teaching those around you that guilt, sacrifice, and martyrdom are necessary elements in this life.
- Bonus* It seems a bit silly to mention it over and over again here on SMART Living, but I think we all know that staying grateful is one of the sure ways to happiness and hope. No matter how challenged, if we can find something we are truly grateful for, it has the ability to shift our focus toward the light.
This year I intend to make happiness my primary goal. I want to be like Helen Keller who said, “Life is a daring adventure, or nothing.” I want to live like songwriter Jimmy Buffett sings, “I want to die while I’m living, not live while I’m dead.” I want to relish my life and what lies ahead like poet Mary Oliver who writes,
“When it’s over, I want to say: all my life
I was a bride married to amazement.
I was the bridegroom, taking the world into my arms.When it is over, I don’t want to wonder
if I have made of my life something particular, and real.
I don’t want to find myself sighing and frightened,
or full of argument.I don’t want to end up simply having visited this world.”
There are those in the world that believe it is only possible to be happy when everything lines up perfectly in their lives. Others seem to fall apart and pull everyone down with them at the first sign of danger or disaster. It’s as though they were previously immune to the possibility, and now that they’ve been startled awake, they are convinced happiness at its root is a lie. Still, others think happiness is an impossible emotion better left to children or the ignorant. I disagree.
Being happy and hopeful doesn’t mean bad things never happen to good people. It also doesn’t mean that I sit back and pretend everything will work itself out just because I am a positive person. Instead, it is having the trust in both the Universe and myself that when I rest in well-being, hope and grounded happiness, I will be motivated to stay active and engaged in the world in a way that is most helpful to all. And as always, SMART Living is remembering that I have the choice to do that 365 days of the year no matter what. Why not start today?
Disclaimer: Article written entirely by Kathy Gottberg except those quoted. Title suggested by ChatGPT
Hi Kathy,
What a great way to start off 2024! This wonderful post and the points you made are so important. And, yes, I agree they need to be stated regularly so we can keep it in the forefront of our minds and lives. I, too, love the phrase “risk delight”.
I believe it’s important to find your path, or whatever you want to call it, and follow it no matter what anyone else thinks or does. It’s like the saying about walking a mile in someone else’s shoes. No one knows fully what my life and struggles have been just like I don’t know someone else’s. Whatever works for me might not work for others.
It’s important to follow your heart and find your own sense of joy. And please keep writing about this as you seem to find such interesting inspirations from all different sources who all have a different way of saying and impressing how important gratitude, happiness, etc. are. They are not just constructs and need to be treated with the same care and attention as any other aspect of our lives – in my opinion.
I love reading all the comments, as well, and getting to hear others thoughts. I guess that’s why I’m always a little late to the game LOL. I find them very inspiring and they have a tendency to give me pause to think about something, maybe, I haven’t thought about in a long time.
Thanks Kathy, and all your readers, for all you do! And to everyone, Happy 2024! Enjoy the year of the dragon (after Feb 10 of course)!
Hi Deb! Happy 2024 to you too and thank you (as always) for your words of encouragement. A lot of my motivation is finding others like you around the world to connect with an chat about things that are near and dear to my heart. Thank you for that. And who knows? One of these days our paths just might cross in person! ~Kathy
Brilliant post! I am not familiar with Gilbert’s work, but I love the quote, “there will be music despite everything.” I am a big believer in positive thinking. Some days it comes naturally and some days I really have to work at it. On those days I am going to put some of your actions into practice and “risk delight.”
Hi Marian! Happy New Year! I’m delighted you enjoyed this post and found it inspiring. May be both put into practice AND remind each other that there is music everywhere and to take steps to “risk delight”. ~Kathy
In my first book, 10 Steps to Finding Your Happy Place (and Staying There), Step 1 is giving yourself permission to be happy. Your first step here makes the same point. If we don’t think we deserve to be happy, then nothing else we do will make a difference. We will consciously or unconsciously sabotage any effort we make to create more joy in our lives. I hope that people will read your list and take it to heart. And you are right about gratitude. That is one of that habits that will give you the most bang for your buck. There are so many ways to practice gratitude, and they all work! Thanks for getting this year off to a happy start.
Hi Galen! Isn’t it surprising that we have to even put “give yourself permission to be happy?” on our list? Humans can sure be silly about that. Of course while I know it deep inside, I still appreciate being reminded! And I agree that gratitude is one that keeps on giving each and every day. I’m grateful to you and look forward to reading along and absorbing your words of wisdom through 2024! ~Kathy
“Life is an adventure,” I always say. Especially when you challenge yourself every day to try and experience new things. My goal is to live life to its fullest and have no regrets when I let out my last breath. Happy New Year to you and Thom! I truly appreciate your positive attitude, Kathy!
Hi Liesbet! YES! If anyone is living a life of adventure it is you. I so appreciate your courage and willingness to challenge yourself doing things that I would never even consider. To each our own, right? Knowing where our boundaries are and then going past them is always exciting. May you and Mark’s journey’s continue to all you to “life life to its fullest and have no regrets!” Happy 2024! ~Kathy
Hi Kathy, thank you for your words of wisdom this morning. Life is too precious to pull the covers over our heads and surrender to defeat. The ‘world’ would have us do that to some degree.
The battle (it truly feels like a battle at times) is won through mindful, intentional living. My happiness is my responsibility. (#4, #7, #10) I make no bones about that and I will never be made to feel guilty for the decisions I make to facilitate that condition.
Thanks for the reminder that happiness isn’t guaranteed and that mindfulness and engagement are essential at all times. Happy New Year
Hi Suzanne. I don’t know about you but I tend to write things that I need to hear (sometimes over and over again!) So yes, keeping these thoughts mindful and intentional is really, really important. May 2024 be a year that we both do that to the best of our abilities–and yes, to be happy along the way. Thanks for your thoughts on this! Happy New Year! ~Kathy
“We must risk delight”
I love that, Kathy, and it really resonates with my life right now. I have just finished my third week of cancer treatment, and it has surprised me how determined I have been to keep living, no matter the circumstances. I try to have fun and make people smile at the hospital, and I am able to keep teaching, with accommodations (and I am so grateful that my employer is providing them!). People deal with difficult diagnoses in different ways, and I am choosing to learn and grow from this experience!
Hi Bethany! I’m so very sorry to hear that you need cancer treatment. But good for you for knowing that your spark to live is strong. None of us know what the future holds but facing it with the willingness to “risk delight” sure seems right to me. And to know that no matter how long, we “took the world into our arms.” May you have all the energy and hope possible as you face 2024 and may it turn out to be even better than expected. ~Kathy
Hi, Kathy – The strategies that you have listed here are very powerful indeed. Thank you for sharing them. Oh, and it is never, ever silly to give repeat reminders on the importance of gratitude. We all need these reminders – they can never be overstated.
Hi Donna! Isn’t that the truth about gratitude? Of course I KNOW HOW IMPORTANT it is yet I continually need to remind myself to keep it front and center in my life! And with that in mind I am very thankful to have met/encountered you all those years ago and made friends. I’m not nearly as connected as you are through the blog-o-sphere so those I am connected with a very special to me. May that friendship continue on in the years ahead and may 2024 be filled with all the peace and happiness you can handle! ~Kathy
Thank you, Kathy. I am also immense grateful for our friendship and connection.
All good advice, and I’m glad I read all the way to the end, b/c I think Nos. 9, 10 and 11 are the most important. Happy New Year Kathy!
Hey Tom! Happy New Year to you too! I suppose another item I could add to my list is to “Find your own pace and live it!” right? I think you and a few others like me are finding that writing (and posting) on our blogs when inspiration strikes is exactly the right pace to live at this point. Of course #9 and #10 sort of say that in one way or another anyway. As for #11 I do my best to remind myself of that one every single day so I couldn’t leave it off the list. Speaking of which, I’m very grateful that our paths crossed so many years ago and plan to stay connected in the years to come! Take care! ~Kathy
Oh my, Kathy, you have the knack for staying the right things at the right time. As I contemplate my first year “on my own” I so needed your wise and comforting words. Thank you, and Happy New Year. Kate
Hi Kate. Thank you. And to tell me that my words brought you some comfort means a lot to me. I know your last year has had to be an amazing challenge but from what I can tell you are still standing and that in itself is a major accomplishment. Thank you for showing us (and writing about it) how it can be done with grace and open-heartedness. May 2024 be a year just a little lighter and hopeful in all that you are. ~Kathy