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Hi Kathy, I set aside tonight to spend it with you and Thom. And, I am glad I did. We have a new grandson around here. There has been a flutter of activity and company. Yet, very blessed and grateful!
The both of you are adorable! I am immediately with you on how it gets even better. Bittersweet, since I know it will have to end one day. Possibly why our time together is even more precious. I think our time frame together as a couple is similar. We met and began living together almost immediately (sharing a house) June, 1976. I love Thom’s beginning point ‘what would he tell his former self.’
You make a good point, Kathy, about spending time together. When we were both working there were times I knew we were almost leading separate lives because of our long hours at work. We then made a point of having uninterrupted time together and reconnecting on everything.
We have found how new challenges and plans bring a spark into our relationship. Last year it was planning for and going to New Zealand. This year we are training for the Half Corked Marathon the end of May.
I usually prefer the written word, although, I do listen to podcasts. Kathy, you and Thom are the exception. I have really enjoyed these two Vlogs. A great deal of wisdom shared by the both of you. I can also see and feel the love and respect in your interactions. Ten minutes is also perfect. Keep the Vlogs coming. I am a fan! Every day is Valentine’s around here. xx
Hi Erica! Thank you so much for your encouragement. We DO have fun making them and it’s also fun to reframe our thinking about how to communicate the ideas that I usually just put on paper.
And if you and Chuck met in June of 76 you’ve beaten us by a little more than a six months. We didn’t meet until January of 77 and were married in October of 77. Yay to longtime, happily married couples! ~Kathy
Kathy, we were married November, 78. We actually began living together June of 76 sharing a house together. We met at work and shared a house together all in the same week. We found out we really enjoyed each other’s company. I was 19 at the time. As the saying goes, the rest is history. I genuinely enjoy listening to you and Thom on the Vlog. I listened to the last one and kept stopping and starting to take notes. You do have great points to share from first hand experience and doing your homework on subjects. I look forward to hearing and reading more. Have a great week!
I love hearing relationship wisdom from loving, long-term couples! I’m married for the second time, and it’s everything I have ever hoped for. The love between you two, and the wisdom you share, warms my heart!
Hi Melinda! Thank you. And how awesome that you’ve also met someone who matches your vision of love. I got pretty lucky with the first but however and whenever you find that other it is good. ~Kathy
Fantastic vlog and topic, you two! I really enjoyed watching it and listening. Your points are soundproof and proven. 🙂
I had to smile at your first tip, Kathy, as it’s so opposite of my most recent post, where I was talking about the benefits of me-time. Then again, we live 24/7 in a 19ft camper together, so there is no lack of spending time together. As I mentioned before, finding a balance between doing things together and alone creates a happy relationship.
And, yes to your partner being your best friend. Also, to be on the same page with most things in life and being good communicators. So important, but not always easy. To Thom’s point, most of us are stuck in our own thought process or anticipate what the other will say or how he/she will react, but this causes friction and resentment. Listening to each other means having respect for each other.
One thing Mark and I have to work on is having more fun, actively, and being OK with that costing money once in a while.
Hi Liesbet! Thank you so much. I’m really glad you enjoyed it. I know that many of my “readers” are not that accustomed to watching videos so I feel it is HIGH praise when one of you does. It was actually fun to do and we really want to start filming more outsides and then be ready when we travel. Thom’s getting into it too which is obviously good for us both. And yeah, I know alone and quiet time is important to us all and I am extremely fortunate to have my own office where I can “retreat” and close the door if needed. Like you said, that balance between doing things together and quiet time alone is a balance for every couple. But please, don’t forget those fun times together–and remember, you can have fun without spending money as well! You just have to be a bit more creative! ~Kathy
What a lovely video gift to all of us for Valentines Day! Much more useful than flowers and less fattening than chocolate! I love everything about this – the setting, your beautiful tile art, the two of you talking about what makes a relationship strong. I agree with everything you said! I also like that Thom took swing dance lessons so he could better enjoy dancing with you. Maybe we can all bust a move in Tahoe!
Hi Janis! Thank you! It was a fun gift to ourselves actually because it made us sit down and think about it more before the “taping.” And fun doing outside too. Yes there will be more! And I’m up for dancing any time, anywhere so let’s make it part of the plan! ~Kathy
Another great vblog from the BOTH of you.
You have great points. Yes we need to do things together and it also OK to do a little separately. Of course we want and need to be “Right”sized!
Hi Gary! Thank you. We had fun doing this one and I agree, it is also good to spend a little time apart. It helps that we are both pretty independent otherwise we’d NEVER separate. And yes to rightsizing! ~Kathy
That was so so nice! Happy Valentine’s Day to both of you!??
Hi Susan! Thanks and I hope you had a great Valentine’s Day too! ~Kathy
Happy Valentine’s Day, Kathy & Thom – I greatly enjoyed this vlog. I loved that you filmed it outdoors. I agree that all of the tips that you mentioned are essential ingredients to a healthy relationship. Spending time together, having fun, open communication are all so important. And never, ever taking each other for granted.
Sending big hugs your way!
Hi Donna! Thank you! We are taking baby steps with trying new things. I think the sound came out better with this one and there weren’t too many sounds coming from outside so we weren’t distracted. And this was obviously just another “fun” thing we are doing together. I appreciate you taking the time to watch and I so agree that we should never take each other for granted! ~Kathy
The two of you have been such an inspiration for me for a few decades! In fact, Thom gave me a piece of relationship advice some years ago. I have repeated that piece of advice to others. When I married Cindy, (and Thom gave me away), I used it a little bit in my wedding vows (which I forgot at the hotel and had to try and remember). He told me that at some point, when you hit a rough patch, it would have been hard to do, but he COULD have left and probably found someone else and made a life with that person. But you stayed together. And, now, he said, he couldn’t be without Kathy at all, that nobody else would ever, ever be who she is or fill her shoes, and he just couldn’t imagine life without her.
When Cindy and I hit ten years, we actually separated for a while. I seriously considered making it a permanent break. But I kept thinking about what Thom said. I knew that we were pretty compatible, and that this was a critical decision. Did I want to go past it and see if, on the other side, it could go deeper? I weighed it out for weeks, and finally decided that yes, it was worth it – it’s what I agreed to in my wedding vows – giving it that extra day. So, thank you Thom for saying what you did, and thank you Kathy for being such a good friend to me, a great wife to my best advisor, and to both of you for walking your talk.
My piece of relationship advice is to keep a sense of humor. People get too serious about petty stuff. Let it go. I always say “Would you rather be happy or be right?”
Oh, no…wait…Thom says that, too. LOL
Happy Valentines Day to my very favorite couple on the planet. XXO ??
Hi Jamie! Ahhhhh…that was a very nice “Valentine’s Comment” to wake up to this morning. Thank you from both of us. Although, wouldn’t you know, Thom said he honestly couldn’t remember saying that to you. Of course we did hit a few rough patches and I think everyone in any longterm relationship has hit some rough spots so what we choose to do from there is very, very important isn’t it? Good for you and Cindy for sticking it out during those times and now finding that deeper connection on the other side of it. So very valuable. And yes to humor and to being happy rather than right. Although I did her some info about Enneagram 1s this last week that made me laugh. A “saying” for them is do you want to be “right” or do you want to be “married?” hahahah. BTW…did you and/or Cindy ever take the Enneagram test? I’m learning a lot about our relationship from that as well. Thanks again for the lovely message and Happy Valentine’s Day. Love you, Kathy
Kathy;
I will look into the Enneagram. One thing we found really helpful to understanding our relationship is Human Design. You know I’ve been studying astrology since I was a child. Well, Human Design in like Astrology 2.0. It helped us SO much!! It gave us some strategies to understand how to better communicate.
I did the Enneagram test and I’m a 1. The first sentence was something about being right. LOL So, I’ll have to invest some energy looking at that.
I figured Thom wouldn’t remember he said that to me. He’s probably said several things that he doesn’t remember, but I kept as treasures. Speaking into a person’s listening IS his gift, after all. I don’t think he retains it; he just speaks form the heart. As do you. I have all the love and admiration in the world for both of you. Even thought we seldom connect on the physical plane at this time, I consider you my dearest friends. Love Always, Jamie
Ahhhh….thank you again Jamie 🙂
This is a beautiful comment, Jamie, on many levels. My husband and I have been together approximately as long as Kathy and Thom. We still do not take each other for granted and appreciate every day. Possibly, even more now as we are getting older. Time is very precious. As I am reading through the comments, I love your quote “Would you rather be happy or right?” I think we all know the answer. You are a wise man.
You two are adorable! I agree with all those tips (though I learned in my first, difficult marriage that BOTH people have to be in the ring, trying to make it work). In Blink, Malcolm Gladwell writes about a guy who could tell with astonishing accuracy whether a couple would still be together after five years, by watching them interact for less than five minutes. He decided it had to do with basic respect (versus contempt) for the other person. All those great tips you mentioned (listening, learning together, playing & hanging out, etc.) rest on that foundation of respect.
Thanks for your thoughts!
Hi Nancy! So true that it takes both people wanting to make it work. And yes, the guy referenced in Gladwell’s book is Dr. John Gottman and he’s the same guy I mention in the vlog about needing far more “positives” in a relationship than negatives if we want to make it thrive. I liked Gottman’s advice because it is such a good reminder to all of us in relationship that others can usually observe very well with how well we get along (or don’t). I don’t think that is something you can fake. Of course, my parents stayed together for over 50 years and while I don’t think they were compatible (at all) I think it was a different generation. Nowadays we just don’t have to so most don’t. Thanks for watching the video and I appreciate your comment! ~Kathy