Want to let go of a bad habit? Lent just might be the way.
Yesterday I read an article about the coming season of Lent. It’s not something I’ve ever observed or celebrated before, but certain aspects of the ritual appeal to me. That got me thinking. Regardless of where a practice comes from, who says we have to be religious to learn and benefit from them? And even if we consider ourselves completely non-religious, we all routinely practice habits and other traditions, every single day. So why not mix the two ideas together into a powerful way to experience greater wellbeing and happiness? With the Lenten Season beginning next Wednesday, let’s consider whether a variation on the tradition can help us to be more mindful and eliminate a couple of bad habits at the same time. Interested?
What is the history behind Lent and why is it celebrated in the first place? Sources say that Lent is a 40-day period leading up to Easter Sunday. It begins on what is considered to be Ash Wednesday and continues approximately six weeks. Traditionally the 40-day period is symbolic of the time when Jesus went out into the desert following his baptism, and fasted and prayed before he began his public ministry. The primary religions that celebrate Lent are Catholics, Lutherans, Methodists, Presbyterians and Anglicans.
So what does any of that have to do with those of us who follow a different drummer? I think the big word is “symbolism.” Every human on the planet uses symbolism to represent all sorts of things we claim to understand or aspire to, and religion and spirituality are full of them. But so do all the rest of us in all sorts of ways we address life. In fact, according to the Smithsonian Institute, humans first used words and symbols to create language. Dartmouth University goes on to say that the use of symbols is what makes us uniquely human. Don’t think you use symbols? What about red representing love or romance? How about a dove symbolizing peace? What do you think of when you think of a smile? Happiness? Daily life is filled with symbols and we have the ability to make meaning out of any symbol we choose. Sometimes we let others do it for us; sometimes we do it for ourselves.
To certain religions, Lent is a symbolic time seen as a period of prayer, penance, repentance and self-denial. For the rest of us, Lent can be seen as a symbolic time for introspection, mindfulness, a deeper connection to our spiritual nature and letting go of things that do not serve us. In other words, just like with many aspects of our modern life, we have the freedom to invoke meaning into any thing we choose. Once we start symbolizing something, we can then make it a ritual—or not.
With all that in mind I came up with six things that I believe would be beneficial to let go of for a period of at least 40 days (if not a lifetime!) Many of those who practice Lent religiously choose something like giving up chocolate, becoming vegetarian or vegan, or staying off Facebook. What I decided was to select habits of thought that I believe keep me from living a peaceful and happy life. Here are the six I’m considering giving up for Lent.
1) Judgment. I must credit Thom for this one because ever since the beginning of the year he decided to make an effort to give up judging. One way he plans to do it is to put a twine bracelet around his wrist to help him remember. While Thom agrees it is impossible not to observe people, things and circumstances going on around him, he admits that judgment is usually a negative evaluation that serves no one—including himself.
2) Complaining. Ever heard of the movement for a “Complaint Free World?” I’ve written a blog post about it and have attempted it several times before. I even have the purple rubber band to put on my wrist to help me remember. The idea is that if you put it on your right wrist and catch yourself complaining about anything, you must move it to your other wrist and start over. The goal is to go 30 days without letting any complaint cross your lips.
3) Gossip. We all know that gossip is idle talk or rumor about the personal or private life of others, and that’s likely what sometimes makes it so fun. The problem of course is when the reverse is done to you. And while participating in it might make us feel bonded with others, that type of bonding is often just a cover for a more passive-aggressive approach to control or superiority. At its core, gossip is a distraction from our focus on our own lives and experiences.
4) Guilt. I have a dear friend named Greg who gave up guilt a long time ago—but most of us aren’t so lucky. Instead we carry around this unspoken idea of what we should be doing or should have done and let it upset our lives. But as my friend Greg says, “guilt is a wasted emotion” that never helps any situation. Think about it—if we are doing something we know we should not do—then simply don’t do it. And, if you insist on doing it anyway, then why feel guilty? Guilt only causes problems when we are untrue to ourselves or care deeply about other people’s judgments of us. Looking at the core meaning behind the emotion we feel, and figuring out who is triggering it, might be a key.
5) Worry. Last month I wrote about both fear and worry, and ways to overcome them. One of my suggestions was to put a time-line perspective on the focus of the worry and then set it aside. Because I believe that worry is often just a habit of thought, putting worry aside for all reasons during the coming 40 days might be a perfect way to eliminate it all together. Remember, as the Dalia Lama says, “If a problem is fixable, if a situation is such that you can do something about it, then there is no need to worry. If it’s not fixable, then there is no help in worrying. There is no benefit in worrying whatsoever.”
6) Regret. Ever wish you’d done something differently? I think we all have at least a bit. The challenge is to learn from it and let it go. People with chronic issues of regret are stuck in the past and unable and/or unwilling to move on. Let us all start to realize that we did the best we could at the time with the consciousness we had. And remember, as long as we learned something from the experience, those experiences are never mistakes.
So what do you think? Can you see where letting go of any one of these might be beneficial to your happiness? I’m not suggesting any one of us give up all six at the same time. Frankly, I will be overjoyed to eliminate just one of them for once and all. What I do believe important is to take the time to consider each of them and whether or not they’ve held too big a place in my life up until now—and then do something about it.
Throughout human history people have taken blocks of time to break out of their routines and consider the quality of their life. Like a sabbatical, Lent can be a time of rest or a break from something that is holding us back from living the life we crave. Regardless of whether we do it for religious reasons, or the shear benefit of improving our lives, it is always SMART to practice ideas that can increase our peace and happiness.
Very interesting. Thank you for sharing. I got some introspecting to do…wish me luck.
Hi Petrish! Thanks for stopping by. You got it perfectly! I think Lent is just another great way for us to take a look at things going on in our lives and how we can change them (if we want!) I’m working on “mine” and so far so good. Good luck to you too! ~Kathy
Kathy, I could use some work in most, if not all of those areas. I think I’ll work on worrying less and celebrating small things that make a big difference in my life. It’s almost like spring cleaning for the soul. 🙂
Hi Jennifer! Yes, all six of them are routinely a problem for most of us. I was going to take on complaining but after talking it over with Thom he pointed out that I might want to consider guilt. That was actually a surprise for me because I don’t normally think I experience guilt much but after talking about it a while I realized that every time I made decisions caring what anyone else thought then I was acting from a sense of guilt. Maybe this isn’t guilt as we normally think of, but it is still allowing others to influence our thinking. That’s something that I can definitely give up for LENT. Please check back and let us know how you’re doing as the next 40 days go by. ~Kathy
Oh, six habits at once. That’s ambitious! But they are all good choices for things to curb if not eliminate. I’m sending you the energy to transform these habits. All my best.
Hi Karen! I guess I didn’t explain THAT part very well… I’m hoping to merely let go of one or two of these….and then maybe tackle the rest in years to come! On the the eve of Lent I think I’m going to shoot for both complaining and judgement because I think they go hand in hand. But even with just too of them I can use all the positive energy you want to send me to help keep me strong! What about you? ~Kathy
I never celebrated Lent much as a child but as an adult I have tried to incorporate the concept of sacrifice into my life for these 40 days. I find I learn a lot about myself each time!
Hi Shelley! Thank you for stopping by SMART Living and joining the conversation. I think a huge benefit of the practice is teaching us about ourselves so I’m happy to know that you’ve done that every single time. But it’s interesting you used the word “sacrifice” as takeaway from Lent. As a person who is passionate about understanding human motivation I tend to stay away from anything that requires a “sacrifice” because that it implies pain and “giving something up” even when I don’t want to. But changing the perspective to “letting go of” something for a benefit, I feel more motivated. Of course if sacrifice continues to work for you then you should surely continue that–but for those of us who shy away from that idea, I think Lent still has many benefits. Thank you again for sharing your thoughts. ~Kathy
Cradle Episcopalian here, lapsed though….. We often took on a practice in addition to giving something up.
You’ve inspired me to look at the limiting factors around my personal writing. So, I plan to give up that fear/resistance and Take on daily writing on my book! Thank you!!
Hi Walker! Yes you are the second person who has recommended taking on something to replace what you are giving up. That is sure to help. And congratulations for considering something that you know has been limiting you and coming up with something that will replace it. Please check back with us and let us know how you are doing. Consider us your Lent pep squad! ~Kathy
This is a fantastic post, Kathy. You’ve done a beautiful job of weaving what is viewed as a traditional religious practice into anyone’s life, especially one looking for a more peaceful and productive life. I too am a cradle Roman Catholic and as my spiritual life has evolved so have my “fasting” practices during Lent. One thing to note, while giving up any of these things would be wonderful, incorporating more positive practices in the space that is created from fasting from these things can be an additional focus during Lent.
Thanks for sharing!
Cathy
Hi Cathy! Thank you for stopping by SMART Living and joining the conversation. What a GREAT suggestion you offer by mentioning that it would be wise to incorporate a positive practice in the space vacated from the letting go. That’s something that I’ve done nearly every time I give up or let go of something–and it works wonderfully! As you know it helps us let go but switching our focus—it also helps seat the new habit as well. Thank you so much for bringing it up, and again for your comment! ~Kathy
I definitely like the rubber band on the wrist idea – and used it to curb my negativity over a period of time, which seems to have had lasting effects. That’s not to say I’m not negative at times, but I now actively try to frame things in a positive way if at all possible. Like the opposite of the Devil’s advocate! I usually skip my mocha for a cappuccino over Lent, to save on some sugar, but I think some of the things you mention might have a more lasting impact. Thankfully, i don’t regret much, or feel guilty often so one of the others perhaps?
Hey Sarah! Nice to hear from you! Thanks for popping in on this conversation. Good for you for coming up with a way to curb negativity….that’s something that we can definitely all benefit from. If you’re used to giving up something for Lent anyway, I can’t help but believe that some of these habits (or some others you could come up with) would be really beneficial over the long run. Please let us know what you do come up with and how it is going for for you. I’m thinking we can all support one another in whatever we choose! ~Kathy
Kathy,
This is absolutely terrific!
I’ll confess that in the past I heard the word “Lent” and immediately associated it with religion and dismissed it. I love the idea we can take the symbolic meaning of giving things up to better ourselves — and I absolutely love your list. I think trying to give up any one of those for six weeks is very ambitious, let alone all six. Go you!
I may try to come up with my own symbolic lent period as well.
Wish I could reblog this. I think it’s great!
Nancy
Hi Nancy! Oh no!!! There’s NO WAY I could give up all six in one go! I was just making suggestions 🙂 I might take on two but that would be about it….a couple of them are fairly similar…I think judgment and complaining are close to one another. I think those are the ones that would benefit me the most. And I’m glad you liked the post….if you want to repost it, I would be honored to have it show up on your site. Just send me an email on how you want it…. ~Kathy
Hi Kathy – I love your sacrifices – they are so more creative than “chocolate” or “alcohol”!
I’m a cradle Roman Catholic, practicing Episcopalian (which celebrates Lent but not so much the fasting element). Still, every year I try to do something to better myself. Its a lovely practice that transcends religious denomination.
Hi Jenn! Glad you liked my selection! I still haven’t decided FOR SURE which one I’m going to tackle but they are things that I have a strong desire to work on for sure. Of course I can see where giving up chocolate or alcohol would be a “sacrifice” but I’d surely just go right back to them once Lent was over! And yes, thank you for affirming that it is something to better ourselves with that “transcends religious denomination.” ~Kathy
Hi Kathy,
Great post. Your suggestions for letting go I highly agree with. The one I have trouble with is worry. I have always been a worrier and I know its not healthy for me or beneficial but its not so easy to change who we are. Giving things like gossip and complaining to me isn’t that hard – it a matter of just doing it. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. I always enjoy reading your posts. Have a healthy wonderful day. Marla
Hi Marla! I’m glad you found these helpful. And I agree that worry is a tricky one for many of us. One thing that helps me a great deal if I start to worry is just to find something else that I love/like and focus on that instead. While it doesn’t really take away the worry (I’m not sure we can wipe it out completely!) it does divert me to something more positive. Then instead of trying to eliminate worry, I just have to discipline my mind enough to stay focused on things that bring me happiness instead. I’m not sure that would work for you but you might want to give it a try. And thank you for your praise. That’s always nice to hear from other writers! ~Kathy
What a beautiful, inclusive idea! I’ll share. 😉
Thanks Carol. Glad you liked it. And shares are ALWAYS appreciated! ~Kathy