This week SMART Living 365 is pleased to introduce you to Bob Lowry as our guest blogger. I have been reading Bob’s blog A Satisfying Retirement for over a year and believe he offers ideas that are practical and SMART regardless of whether you are retired or not. Thank you, Bob, for filling in and sharing your thoughts with us this week.
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The sky was beginning to cloud over, kids were playing, ducks were looking for bread crumbs, bikers rolled by while teens on skateboards defied gravity. Sitting in a folding chair and watching the scene my eyes were drawn to the surface of the lake. The sun was at just the right angle to cover the water with sparkles. It was beautiful. I was enjoying a satisfying retirement day.
Within a few minutes, the sun’s angle had changed and the sparkles were gone. Or, were they? From someone else’s viewpoint they probably were just as fabulous. They were simply gone from my view.
Isn’t life kind of like that? There are brief moments that sparkle and shimmer. We look upon them with wonder. We remember them. We talk about them. But, real life takes place in between the sparkles. It is how we fill the space between them that matters.
Relationships are certainly made up off sparkles and spaces. There are the everyday moments in relationships which occupy most of your life. Those are the large spaces filled with chores and responsibilities, some arguments, making tough decisions, cooking, cleaning, and shopping. These don’t sparkle at all. They are the mundane activities that fill your day when you have other people in your life. They are what we call living.
Then there are those times when you and your spouse or significant other are exactly on the same page. Everything is going according to plan. You are communicating well and any disagreements are minor. Your love life is on track. If you have children or grandkids there are times when things just sparkle: a vacation by the lake, a great day at the zoo, a family night watching a favorite movie.
As a retired person, you have control over most of your day. At least you think you do. But, when you must wait for a repair person, or your car is in the shop you are the mercy of others. When you spend a few hours waiting for an overworked doctor you are reminded you are not in control quite as much as you thought. Menus must be planned, food must be bought, bills must be paid, gardens must be tended, the bike should be ridden. The days and weeks pass by so quickly you wonder where the time went.
Then, there are those moments when you grab a little time and sit down to read that new novel you’ve been aching to open. Your hobby bench invites you to build that project or fix the broken lamp you want back in the living room. You find some time to write, and out flows everything you have bottled up while the spaces of life are filled with everyday stuff.
You remember you have time with the school kids tomorrow night to tutor them in math or English. As they grasp the concepts you are explaining their smiling faces sparkle and shine. Maybe you sit in the sun at the coffee shop sipping a latte, reading the paper, and people-watching the afternoon away. These precious times make you feel alive and vibrant. They are the sparkle that make a day special and memorable.
John Lennon once said, “Life is what happens while you’re making other plans.” That is the human condition. We want a life that we control. We would like a day with nothing but sparkles. No chores, no irritations, no disappointments, no hassles. A day that goes according to our plans.
But, that isn’t how things work. We can be much happier and much more satisfied when we learn to accept the large spaces into which we put our everyday life, while being on the lookout for those sparkles of pure joy and beauty that brighten and enlighten. After all, if every meal was nothing but desserts, then desserts would not be so special and delightful, would they!
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Bob Lowry retired in 2001 after a career as a researcher, program, and management consultant to hundreds of radio stations across the country. He has written two books on retirement and has been a guest contributor to several others. He writes the popular A Satisfying Retirement blog and lives with his wife in Arizona.
I still can’t believe I don’t have to go to work every day. Well, I choose to, but now it’s about my dream career, being an author. I still get a thrill out of just being present when Friday afternoon rolls around. It’s almost the weekend, I’m thinking. But every day is a weekend for me. Life is good. I’m so happy to be older.
It is indeed those little moments that make up for big memories, which is amazing really! I have been lucky in my life to appreciate those small things that sparkle (an annoyingly run off and snap a photo of it!)
Hi Terri! hahaha! I have also been incredibly fortunate with so many great sparkles in my life and I usually do the same as you–attempt to capture it in a photo! Isn’t it wonderful to look back on all those sparkles again and again? You should see the ones I’ve taken in the last week 🙂 ~Kathy
This line especially resonated with me, “You find some time to write, and out flows everything you have bottled up while the spaces of life are filled with everyday stuff.” This is so true! It’s true also, that when you are writing, the “sparkles” stand out, and are easiest to write about!
Hi Diane! Yes, isn’t that a great line from Bob’s post? For me a real “sparkle” is the opportunity with my writing to capture the experience more clearly in my thoughts. And yes, surely that makes the writing easier for us all. ~Kathy
I greatly enjoyed this post about the balance of ‘sparkles’ and ‘everyday moments.’ That’s so true in retirement, and at all points of life. I once read an article on turning our thoughts about the mundane into gratitude. Gratitude for a home to clean, for a doctor to visit, for transportation (and its delays) to take us to places that we want to go or need to be. Gratitude for all of the ‘sparkles’ that lie underneath the ‘mundane’.
Thanks for a great post, Bob.
I can’t wait to hear about your time in Hawaii, Kathy!
Aloha Donna! We are certainly experiencing a high number of sparkles while here in Hawaii but I think you’ve nailed a real key to it all–appreciation. Mahalo for your comment. ~Kath
Appreciating life, sparkles or not is all about living!
Aloha from Hawaii Haralee! And yes! I too think it is all about appreciating life. ~Kathy
Love this! Although there are spaces in our ordinary lives that don’t shimmer and shine, the sparkly moments can take my breath away. I think as we move along through the second half… or maybe third third of our time here on earth, we begin to appreciate not only the sparkles but the comfort of the in-between moments too. It’s all good.
Hi Janis! I agree! I believe that in my experience, and all the research I read about positive aging, that you might be on to something about how we do learn to appreciate those sparkles more as time goes by. Certainly, my appreciation level seems to rise so that makes sense, doesn’t it. Let’s just keep looking for them! ~Kathy
Great post. Thanks. I love my life right now. And my husband and I do look for the sparkles. Our joys are pretty small, like sharing a move, preparing dinner together, taking a walk. We don’t need BIG THINGS to increase our joy which we have had for 47 years. But the reminder is welcome.
Hi Beth! Who says sparkles have to be big to be enjoyed? I think after 47 years together and a happy life then a constant stream of sparkles likely lights up your days. Learning to appreciate them all is a key don’t you think? ~Kathy
What a great reminder to look for the sparkles and enjoy the in-between times.
Aloha Nora! Yes to us all finding a few sparkles today. ~Kathy
Hi Kathy – you are so right (as usual) I think the most dissatisfied people are the ones who expect every minute should sparkle and they are always feeling disappointed. It’s when you realize that a lot of life is fairly ordinary and that’s not a bad thing, that you find contentment and appreciate those sparkling moments for their specialness.
Hi Leanne! Just popping in here on an early morning in Maui Hawaii (where we are traveling) to say “Hi! I’m certainly enjoying a few sparkles from where I am but wanted to say thanks for your comment 🙂 and I hope you find some sparkles yourself today! ~Kathy