I do my best here on SMART Living to stay away from politics. That’s not because I don’t have an opinion, but my intention here is to instead inspire and encourage us all to think and form our own opinions from a space of awareness, compassion and personal responsibility. With that said, it occurred to me that much of the divisiveness we see and hear these days originates in some fundamental lies that we may be telling ourselves. Those lies or untruths are quite common and perhaps by taking the time to shine some light on them, we just might find that we have taken a wrong turn somewhere along the line. Here then, are ten falsehoods some people tell themselves that keep them from being happy and SMART.
1) We can’t do anything about it, so why bother? I’ve heard this phrase so many times in the last couple of weeks that it might be epidemic. Obviously, many people are feeling powerless in the face of politics or other issues facing our world today. And while the truth is that most of us are happy and doing reasonably well, we still tend to feel that we have little or no control over the events of the world, so why bother to do anything but complain about them?
Why indeed? If you take the time to go back and read just a few of the blog posts here on SMART Living you’ll see why. SMART Living takes the approach that each of us can affect our futures in positive ways—even if it is only by our attitudes. By believing that we are powerless in the face of anything we are building up a belief that says we have little or no power. That makes us a victim, and that’s not SMART!
Instead, by remembering that we can always do what we can, where we are, with what we have, we tell our psyche we are a co-creator of our world. Even when we acknowledge that some things are beyond our control, it’s SMART to remember that we can always choose what we think and how we react.
2) There are big problems in this world, and someone else needs to fix them now! This lie is slightly different than the first because this one assumes that anything bad that happens is someone else’s fault. Whether you believe it is the President, the Congress, certain religious groups, other races, or just the devil, we all tend to want to locate a “bad guy” and make them responsible. We equally prefer to find someone else to put in charge to take care of that bad guy. Sorry! The blame game is never a SMART approach. We are the ones we’ve been waiting for, and until we decide to take action, things will likely stay the same.
3) I need a big house, a bunch of stuff, and lots of money to be safe and happy. This lie exists deeply beneath the American culture as a solution to most of the problems people believe they have. Money and “more” can fix everything right? Wrong! Research continues to prove that once people have their basic needs met, money or more doesn’t change anything. And sometimes the more you get, the more you feel like you have to protect it. Until we accept that happiness and security are an inside job, we will never find the peace we are seeking.
4) If my loved ones just listened to me and did what I told them, everything would work out better. Wouldn’t that be nice? Unfortunately, I don’t know anyone who can get this to happen even most of the time. Do you? Just like each of us, everyone is a unique and special individual with his or her own life to live. Why should anyone sacrifice their life to please us and do what we say? Isn’t that the definition of a slave? Besides, can we ever say we know better than anyone else what is best for another? Far SMARTer to let others live their lives and make their own way. Not only will they be much happier, but so will we.
5) You can’t trust other people, and the world is a scary place. The root of this lie is fear, plain and simple. Years ago Albert Einstein said, “The most important decision we make is whether we live in a friendly or hostile universe.’” Clearly, if you are worried that the Universe is a scary place and out-to-get-you, then just about everything you say and do will be in response to that belief. The good news is that the opposite is also equally true.
6) If I can just get everything under control, then my loved ones and I will be safe, and everything will be okay. This lie falls directly behind the one above. When you come from a fear that things are scary, we can devote an entire lifetime trying to control every little detail around us. Unfortunately, about the only thing we have the ability to control much of the time is our thoughts and actions. Maybe instead of trying to control external events so tightly, we do as Abraham-Hicks suggests and learn to live as though, “Everything is always working out for me.”
7) There’s not enough money, food, water, or good to go around, so I have to get mine first! Lots of people and organizations have spent a lifetime promoting this idea to themselves and each other. By getting us to believe in a scarcity mentality, they convince us that we must fight and defend our good whenever we manage to find it. We also tend to believe that others are hell-bent on taking our good from us. Naturally, that makes us fearful and defensive about everything and everybody. It also suggests that we can never have enough, or be “enough.” Clearly, not a pleasant way to live. Instead, we have the option of believing in a world where there is plenty of good to go around and that we are basically good and “enough” just as we are.
8) Anyone who doesn’t look, act, or think like me is cause for concern and need to be watched and controlled. If we believe we live in a scary world, then it’s also easy to believe that anyone who is different from us is potentially a problem. That makes us want to enact laws to control them, build fences to keep them out, and if that doesn’t work, to eliminate them all together. I was recently speaking to a man I’ve known for years who is both kind and generous. He stunned me when he said, “If we didn’t have a military the barbarians would be storming the gates of our country.” He was deadly serious. Sadly, as long we see other beings with such a “them” mentality, we will never feel safe and will live in fear.
9) If I admit I’m fundamentally wrong about something, my world would collapse, and all hell would break loose. The truth is, none of us like to be wrong and by far prefer to be right over being happy, regardless of what we say. Naturally, that keeps us stuck in mindsets that are not only unhappy, but sometimes destructive to other people, the world around us, and ourselves. Far better to see clearly, honestly, and change our mind when necessary.
10) Change and uncertainty are scary. Behind so much fear is a deep mistrust of the unknown. Even when people come up with the most bizarre explanations and beliefs, many still insist on hanging on to them when the truth is staring them in the face. So rather than being flexible, willing to learn and to adapt, people clutch on with their fingernails as though being dragged into hell. The solution is simple but not always easy. Learn to embrace change and dance with uncertainty.
Something I read years ago has gradually seeped into my consciousness. That saying is, “The Universe always says “Yes!” to us. If you believe all of the lies above then the Universe just says “Yes!” And there is then nothing anyone can say or do that will change your mind. If you believe something else, the benevolent affirmative power of the Universe says “Yes!” to that as well. Much as some people want to believe that only one final truth or reality exists, their conviction is just proof that the Universe is saying “Yes!” to how they choose to believe.
As usual, I have no final answer for anyone else, but I am fairly convinced that the SMART perspective is to always remember that we have a choice about what we believe—and then accept our part in the world we’ve helped to create.
Can you think of any other lies that we routinely believe that limit our happiness? Please share in the comments below.
Really enjoyed your insightful article Kathy
Hi Kathy! Thanks for your comment and I’m glad you found it helpful. How are you? Are you in the desert for the summer? We are out and about and happy to be where it’s cooler. Hope you found a way out too! ~Kathy
I’m thinking about #4 and how we often alienate our grown kids with unwanted advice–even if it’s warranted. We may know better than they do but they have to figure it out for themselves.
I always try to avoid discussions on politics or religion but they always get the most heated. I enjoyed reading though.
Hi Rena! Yes one way to avoid the negativity is to steer clear of those topics but it is challenging these days. Another good way is to do as Connie mentioned in her comment and just turn off the news! ~Kathy
Can I think of any other lies? Not right now. I tend to look for the good instead, but I have a
couple of points on the above lies.
#2 “there are big problems in the world…” yes there are and we should take action instead of waiting for someone else to fix things. But there isn’t always a clear path on what action we can take. The political world is a good example here. I don’t understand politics at all, the only action I can take here is to vote and hope for the best.
In another problem area, I’m taking action that will show results, not faster, but I know positively that I’m helping; by buying one or two extra items each shopping day and donating them to the homeless shelter. I can’t really afford it, but there are people out there who have even less than I do, after all, I have a home and warm clothes, even though I have no money.
#3 “I need a big house, a bunch of stuff and lots of money”, well, no I don’t.
But I’ve been a little unhappy lately because the little money I have just doesn’t seem to be stretching as far as it used to. I’m barely making it from one payday to another. So I’ve reworked my budget, listing incoming (yikes! that’s not much!) against outgoings, rent, utilities etc and have divided up the difference to allow myself a certain amount per day for groceries and if I stick to that and set aside any that doesn’t get spent, I should be able to eventually get a tiny emergency fund again.
Which makes me feel better.
#10 “change and uncertainty are scary” Yes they are, but we can’t have progress without them. And without progress, where are we? still in the stone-age caves!
Hi River! I sort of figured out you were an optimist in your heart or you probably would have a difficult time sticking with my blog! I agree with your comments. Like on #2, it isn’t always apparent what we can and should do but as you say, there is nearly always something we CAN do–even if it is to smile at someone at the right time or offer to lend a hand. It doesn’t always have to do with money. And like with your #3, you might be challenged with your finances but I’m guessing that your attention to detail and awareness help you get by…and your attitude helps more than anything. May we all take the time to think through the thoughts running through our head and whether they serve us! ~Kathy
Thank you for explaining things so simply and clearly. I’m a glass half full person and I find myself overwhelmed with the news and the fear and negativity that goes with it. It seems so simple, but turning off the news really makes a difference.
Hi Connie! Yes, I completely agree that turning off the news can be one of the easiest ways to stop the symphonies of lies that can run through our head. I think the media is well trained in how to get those negatives going, and keep them going. Unfortunately, a lot of us are addicted to that noise and find it almost impossible to turn off. Good for you for recognizing this and stopping the madness! ~Kathy
It’s a very uplifting post and inspirational too. I checked some of these lies that I sometimes say to myself but the out come was never the better so I looked for some ways to find something uplifting. Thanks for sharing this.
In this political climate we are hearing lots of these lies. There is also the Facebook lie. Everyone on FB is happier, has prettier spouses, children, cats, dogs and lives.
Just had a conversation with someone who says she will vote libertarian to make her point and her stand that she doesn’t approve of either candidate.#5,7,8 and 9? I of course reminded her of Ralph Nader and what happened then but she is all #10!
Hi Haralee! Oh you are so right about the Facebook Lie. It does make it seem as though everyone has everything together doesn’t it? Very good to remember that one! And interesting about your friend’s political persuasion. If we don’t take it personally then it is such an interesting subject to observe. Taking it personally is a real key at least for me. Thanks for jumping in the conversation. ~Kathy
This is a very uplifting piece and I especially love the Einstein quote about choosing the world we live in – SO true. I too usually stay away from politics for the same reasons you do, however, following al the dreadful abuse on social media aimed at exit voters after the EU referendum, I felt compelled to write something. I really enjoyed reading what you have posted here – these sort of articles are always good for nudging us back onto the right track when we slip with negative thoughts! Thank you.
Hi Gilly! Thank you for your thoughts on this. We are living in strange times aren’t we? Hopefully we can look through all the crazy and stay focused on what is most healing and helpful for us all. ~Kathy
All so true, especially, these days, Number 8, for isolationists who want to wall out immigrants and foreigners and also for the self-professed intelligentsia who disparage and disdain anyone who doesn’t share their world view.
Hi Tom! Yes isn’t #8 interesting when you consider so many of us came from immigrant families ourselves? My father’s parents both immigrated from Germany in the early 1900s and never did learn to speak English. But because they were welcome here I have had such a wonderful life. Hard to imagine that we have to “shut down the door” now that we’re here. Fair better to focus on the benefits as a way it can work for all of us. ~Kathy
All so true, Kathy. Fear is being used to manipulate people and, unfortunately, it’s working on many. I believe education is our only saving grace. We spend fortunes on military and politics while our infrastructure and educational institutions suffer greatly. It’s pretty easy to see what lack of education can cost us in the world. Between the debacle of Brexit and this political season here in the U.S., I think it is clear we need to invest in the children who are our future.
Great post.
b
Hi Barbara! YES, YES, YES! Fear is behind so much of our troubles and until we can find a way to come to peace with what it is and how it plays out in our lives we will struggle. And I agree about educating children, but perhaps that education should also include a more inclusive and wholistic approach to life. If we started kids out with the belief that we are all in this together and cooperation is far more valuable that competition, we could head off a lot of the problems we are facing in the world. ~Kathy
Yes, but try telling that to those extreme Islamic terrorists who indoctrinate their children from toddlerhood and refuse to believe their is anything wrong with their beliefs.
That’s a far more scary issue than any other the world is currently facing.
Hi again River! This one must have been bothering you a bit so you needed to share your thoughts. I agree that it can be daunting to consider what some children are being taught by their parents and how that may or may not affect our world. But I personally believe that it doesn’t matter where those parents are or what their faith or culture is, it can be either beneficial or negative. What I mean by that is that I find it disturbing to consider what members of the KKK are teaching their children both here in the U.S. and other parts of the world. I’ve studied Islam AND Christianity enough to know that at the core of those religions they don’t teach hate, fear, and violence, but that doesn’t stop some of their followers from interpreting them that way. However, what I continue to find most helpful is to recognize that most people, everywhere are good at heart and that most of us want peace and happiness. I do believe that and choose to live my life that way. While I can’t give others any assurances of it, it goes back to my belief in a good and benevolent Universe. ~Kathy
“Change and uncertainty are scary” … so true, and yet I’m somewhat mystified by that. Every moment of every day has the potential to be uncertain. As we all know by now, life can change on a dime.
The thing is, when we’re in the midst of something challenging, we have a tendency to believe it won’t change, that we’re stuck in it ‘forever’. And when we’re content/happy/settled, we don’t even want to hear about change.
But no matter where we are, it’s a guarantee. It will happen (along with death and taxes). Change is within and without. Every cell of our bodies is replaced — in 7 years, not one of them is the same. We breath in new air and breath out old; if we didn’t, we’d die. People come, people go. We look up, and what’s in the sky today won’t be there tomorrow in exactly the same way. We look down and we know the earth shifts, some days more than others. I could go on.
Everything is changing, all the time. In fact, if we think about it, if there is no change there is no life.
So, why do we fear it when we live it every day?
Hi Tracey! Ah, isn’t that the $52,000 question? I think you and I have talked about this before at one point and I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that most of us are under the impression that the world we see and imagine is REAL, and that our thoughts and fears aren’t. So we go around attempting to control that “real” world we perceive outside ourselves and mostly ignore what’s going on inside. What’s the saying, “we don’t see the world as it is, we see the world the way we are.” Yeah, that sounds good, but until we can actually agree and then live from it 365 we will be continually challenged. I doubt that is the “entire” answer to your question but I think there’s at least part of it at play. If we can get to the point where we realize we “are” change on a macro-cosmic level, we will continue to fight and resist it. Am I there yet? No, but at least I’m working on it! 😉 Thanks for fleshing that out! ~Kathy
This is a great post and you have laid out some of the false beliefs that cripple people. Very sad. And yet life can scar a person; life can scare a person. And over time they lose their listening skills. That’s a very simplistic way to say it, but during this time when there is a political contest, logic disappears. People hunger for words THEY WANT TO HEAR. When someone confirms their anger, their disaffection, they’re in. I don’t know a deep down solution. I read and educate myself. And yes, I am open to the universe and how things might sort themselves out. BE KIND, UNIVERSE, BE KIND.
Hi Beth! Thank you for addressing a big issue with our beliefs. I do tend to think that even when we know better it is far too easy to slip back into old patterns or like you say, be trigger by other people and their beliefs. It takes courage and conviction to stand strong in a belief, especially one that others don’t quite get. But what’s the alternative? Getting sucked into thoughts and beliefs that are not only not helpful, but some downright tragic. As I said in an earlier comment, I tend to write what I need to read so this week I found it VERY helpful to focus on these things and admit that I prefer the opposite. Not easy for sure but it did bring me back to where I like to stand. And yes, let’s all continue to be kind. ~Kathy
This is all so true, Kathy. And doesn’t everyone just want to find the ultimate Truth, whatever they deem that to be. But Truth really is the story we keep telling, as every blessed thing has only the value we put on it.
That Einstein quote is one of my all-time favs, and I think of it whenever I’m wrestling with a decision. Puts things in complete perspective for me.
Love this!
Hi Susan! I’ve read your blog long enough to know that you write about this same stuff on a regular basis. But isn’t it helpful to hear it over and over again? The first time I heard that Einstein quote it resonated with me but I honestly need to hear it on a regular basis to be reminded. Sort of like us all just reminding each other things that we knew before but may have forgotten! Thanks for adding to the conversation. ~Kathy
What a wonderful – and timely – post! I had never heard that Einstein quote before, but it is now a favorite. Funny, I have just reposted an old post of mine that addresses personal belief systems that don’t serve us well.
Hi Janis! Oh I’m very happy to introduce that Einstein quote. It’s long been a favorite of mine because so many people just think of Einstein as a highly intelligent man. He was also deeply wise and has much to share with us all. And yes to it being a small world….or great minds think alike??? ~Kathy
Thanks for this wise and inspiring article!
Hi Lucky Few! Glad you find these helpful. Just writing this post and sharing it with all of you was a good reminder to me. What’s the saying, “we write what I need to hear!” Thanks for your comment. ~Kathy
oh man – the urge to control everything and the scarcity mindset – both big suckers of happiness. I’m learning to do away with both and it has mad my life a lot more content. Great post as always Kathy x
Hi Leanne. So true huh? I don’t care how much work we do on ourselves they still have a way of sneaking back into our minds. I think a big reason for that is that most everyone else believes in that need to control AND scarcity so if we do anything around others we sometimes get sucked back in. I don’t know about you but I can use reminders of all of these over and over again. ~Kathy