We live in amazing times. That doesn’t deny that certain aspects ought to be changed or addressed for us all to live with equality and peace of mind. But if we can let go of what isn’t working for a minute, and focus on the advantages of this time and space—it’s possible to fill the mind with admiration and gratitude for what we do have, right here and now. Sometimes that feeling comes from something as simple as reading a great new book.
One such book is Life Reimagined—The Science, Art, and Opportunity of Midlife by Barbara Bradley Hagerty. With a background as an NPR correspondent, Bradley Hagerty knows how to tell a story and fill it with pertinent facts and research. And now, with millions of us around the world hitting midlife and beyond, all the attention, focus, and research about how to make the most of the coming years is inspiring. Bradley Hagerty distills that information in wise and funny ways to remind us all that with design, growing older means growing better.
If you have been reading about positive aging as much as I have, Bradley Hagerty’s suggestions will not come as a surprise. What is SMART is to remember them each and every day.
#1 Engage with verve. The most common theme in this book is a reminder that “autopilot is death.” This applies to your family, all relationships, your work, your health and your mind. Active and purposeful engagement is like oxygen. Cut it off and you die. As Bradley Hagerty says, “The lesson for midlifers is: Of course it takes work to inject zest and vulnerability into your marriage; it takes courage to reappraise your career for not just income but also meaning; it takes effort to sharpen your aging brain. But the research is clear: Engaging in those things you feel are important will lift your joy and satisfaction, in the moment and over the years.” In other words, let’s stop seeking the status quo and always choosing comfort, ease, and safety. Instead, let’s strive for dynamic engagement in all that we do.
#2 Choose purpose over happiness. Bradley Hagerty isn’t a fan of the traditional pursuit of happiness. That type of happiness she avoids because it is often momentary and puts pleasure at the forefront. Instead, she suggests that the idea of human flourishing is best described by the word Eudaimonia and offers us the best satisfaction in the long run. As I’ve written about before, Eudaimonia also helps to keep us focused on those things that launch us happily out of bed in the morning. That sense of well-being and purpose not only makes us intrinsically happy, it makes us robust. While education and wealth are strong influencers on health and happiness, having purpose outplays them both. And as Viktor Frankl, who survived the horror of Nazi concentration camps said, “Life is never made unbearable by circumstance, but only by lack of meaning and purpose.”
#3 Your thinking is your experience. As a person who sways toward optimism every chance I get, this one certainly appeals to me. But Bradley Hagerty defines it somewhat differently. She says, “…there is also a mechanism called a ‘rudder’—that is, your thinking, your approach to triumphs and defeats, joys and pain and losses, the stuff no one escapes—that calibrates one’s happiness. Experts believe that 30 to 40 percent of one’s happiness is determined by how a person thinks or acts. That rudder won’t shelter you from a hurricane as you venture across the ocean, but it will absolutely color how much you enjoy the trip.” Pay attention to what you are focused on and think about during a regular day and make sure that your thoughts reflect the course of your desired intentions.
#4 OPM—Other people matter. Bradley Hagerty reminds us, “All the research converges on one unshaken imperative: If you want to live a long and healthy life, invest in friends, particularly at midlife. Every evolutionary instinct cries out for trusted companions, and the more the merrier, because the more friends you have, the healthier, happier, and more mentally acute you will be, now and in your later years. We are wired for friends.” Interestingly enough, research shows that it is more important for people to have hearty and strong friendships than close family relationships. Of course, is important to remember that friendships demand more effort because they are easier to neglect.
#5 This is the time to enjoy your life. Don’t waste another moment. It is so easy when we get busy in life to forget that right here, right now, is the only time any of us can really enjoy the life we have been given. Most of the time, most of us, are either ruminating about the past or concerned about something in the future. Bradley Hagerty uses her wise 93-year-old mother to remind us that, “It’s now, honey! This is the time to enjoy your life. Don’t waste another moment.”
Obviously, this short article cannot explain all the great ideas contained in this book so I’ll be throwing out more of them in the future as time goes by. I didn’t even touch on all the studies that prove that our brains and bodies are extremely resilient and how many things we can do to keep them active and alive for years. There are also excellent tips for reinventing our careers as we hit this middle period of our lives. And in case you are wondering whether you fit into the “midlife model,” Bradley Hagerty believes that midlife is anywhere between 40 and 65. That includes most of us SMART Living readers.
Best of all, Bradley Hagerty is optimistic about what lies ahead and believes that no matter where we are on the path, second and third chances routinely present themselves for those of us who wish to remain passionately engaged with meaningful life. As always, it’s SMART to remember that the choice is ours to make and this is the best time to enjoy our lives!
Please share in the comments below what helps keep your midlife and beyond vibrantly alive!
My grandma also used to encourage me to live my life now. “It’s good you are traveling so much when you are young,” she said, “why would you wait until later? You’d only get older and less mobile.” Of course, she never expected I’d still be doing it in my forties. 🙂 That being said, living in the moment has always been important to me. As for a long and happy life, there are so many factors that come into play!
I love this post. Unfortunately, I’ve lived my too long on autopilot, and stress and anxiety have taken it’s toll on me physically and emotionally. I am trying to focus on positive thoughts and hoping this helps. Thanks for all your posts. I look forward to them every week.
Hi Beth! Thank you for letting me know you enjoy my posts and I hope they help make you think and consider your life in a more positive way. Stress is so very painful, mentally, emotionally and physically. The good news is that you recognize it and are starting to take steps that should help. Good for you. I sincerely hope that every week my articles help in some way. Don’t give up! ~Kathy
Kathy, after I read this post, I tracked back some of your links to your previous writing on happiness (Eudaimonia). I am a big supporter of the SMART approach you advocate, and personally try to live a life that is sustainable, meaningful, artful, responsible, and thankful —especially now that I have retired, and have time to reflect on my priorities and re-balance. During my last career position, one of the goals that my team and I worked toward was to enhance and support well-being for students. We especially made some great progress in providing more extensive and accessible mental health support, and working to
de-stigmatize it.
Jude
Hi Jude! Thank you. I do have LOTS of posts on so many subjects so it’s nice to hear when someone takes the time to read through to some of the others. And thanks too for noticing that SMART doesn’t mean intelligent (although I do hope there is some wisdom in there too) but is an acronym for many other ideas I like to write about. It sounds like your previous work was very important. But since I’ve been following your blog in the the last month or so I see you are also continuing that “purpose” of enchancing and supporting well-being for others. Isn’t it wonderful to get to write and do that too?? Thanks for your lovely comment. ~Kathy
I was especially taken by #2. I had never separated the two. Purpose and happiness…very interesting. I will be writing about how that has meaning in my life. I will let you know.
b+ (Retire In Style Blog)
Hi Barbara! Yes, that is “critically” important isn’t it? I would love to read about what gives you meaning and any other thoughts you have on the subject. Please do let me know! ~Kathy
I learned something new today. Love to do that at least once a day! Eudaimonia. And I love one of the definitions of Human Flourishing.
Hi Jennifer! Yes, I think that most of us know that just seeking after happiness means a lot of different things to different people. Eudaimonia is a much SMARTer perspective IMHO but is far less well known. I’m happy to know I introduced you to it. ~Kathy
This sounds good … I just put a hold on the book at my library, look forward to reading it.
Hi Tom! I thought it was a great read and am happy to recommend it. I barely touched on all the ideas it gave me. Let me know what you think! ~Kathy
Numbers 1 and 3 really resonated for me. I reviewed the book here: https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/1765812561
Welcome back, Kathy.
Hi Lynne! It’s nice to be back. And thank you for filling in for me with a guest post while I was gone. I think it was something to consider for all of us in midlife and beyond. And if you’ve read the book then you KNOW what a good one it is. I real pleasure to read. ~Kathy
These points resonate with me as well, Kathy, especially #3.
“Make sure that your thoughts reflect the course of your desired intentions.”
I wholeheartedly agree that much of our happiness is determined by how we think or act.
Thanks for sharing all of this, Kathy!
Hi Donna! I am so looking forward to getting together with you in person because I suspect that your thinking and my thinking is very related on more topics than not. And you, like most of my readers already know most of the things that I write about, but if you’re like me, you could benefit by reading up on them every single day. Thanks, as always, for sharing your thoughts. ~Kathy
If some of these online longevity tests are true indicators of lifespan, then hopping out of bed with real purpose for myself will have to happen for the next 42 years! Can you imagine? These are some really great points and I look forward to reading more about it. I’m always excited (as an educator) to read a word used like Eudaimonia used in a blog post!
Hi Terri! Yes Eudaimonia doesn’t get the attention it deserves. But it’s a bit awkward sounding and far easier to just use the “happy” word even thought most of the time that is REALLY what I write about. Happiness comes in many ways, and at different layers, so trying to explain that can get complicated, as you know. But I do recommend this book for your classes on aging! I think you would enjoy it as much as I did! ~Kathy
This definitely sounds like a book I’d enjoy reading! I loved the quote about attitude “That rudder won’t shelter you from a hurricane as you venture across the ocean, but it will absolutely color how much you enjoy the trip.” So true.
I love the picture with all of you dressed in white and holding up your napkins (?). What a lovely moment.
Hi Janis! It IS a great read. The author knows how to weave stories into all the research so that makes it an especially gratifying read. If I wasn’t going to use it as a reference for more articles I would loan you my copy! And glad you like the photo. It is from when we last got together for a small, “Dinner en Blanc” here in La Quinta. If you haven’t heard of them, google “dinner en blanc” and you can see huge ones held around the world. Really fun! ~Kathy
Realizing my blessings and also that life doesn’t go on forever, I truly try to use every moment of my day. I don’t mind the CHORES that accumulate. Often, my husband and I walk for over an hour, then I select a few chores to accomplish and if I don’t need to leave the house for an appointment or to shop, I write. Often from 1-5. It’s awesome and I feel good when I’m finished. I haven’t wasted any time–I’ve done something I love. The rest of a normal evening is devoted to being with my husband. This is a good life and I’m grateful. This weekend? We babysit our grandkids. Me
Hi Beth! It sounds to me like you have found a way to fill your life with purpose and meaning and that is definitely a quality that will help you live a long time (and make it happy too!) And knowing you from your writing it is also apparent that you know how to remember that “every day is precious!” Thanks for sharing your thoughts. ~Kathy
These are such great points! It doesn’t really surprise me, OK, a little, that friendships over family relationships are more important! So much with family comes sibling stuff never resolved that you just don’t have in friendships.
Hi Haralee! Yes I was a little surprised at that statistic too. The study she references to this quote is one done in Australia called “Effect of Social Networks on 10-Year Survival in Very Old Australians.” They are doing lots of research about this topic due to the aging population there and it’s very interesting. According to Bradley Hagerty, when we pick our friends and they pick us there is a far greater likelihood that we will surround ourselves with the people who “get” us while with family it is just hit or miss. I can attest to that–ha! ~Kathy
I loved all of her points Kathy – especially Number 5 – it’s really the mantra I live by these days. Life is short, we’re past the halfway mark and I don’t want to waste any of the time I have left if I can help it.
Hi Leanne! I KNOW you already know this because I read your ideas on your blog all the time. But isn’t it good to be reminded over and over? I love finding it in a good book too and am happy to share it with everyone else. Thanks for your comment. ~Kathy