One of my book clubs is reading Fried Green Tomatoes At The Whistle Stop Café. I have seen the movie, several times, but never read the book before now. Not only is the author, Fannie Flagg a great story teller, the tale she tells introduces us to characters so alive I wish they lived down my street. At the same time, she addresses a number of timeless issues like equality, morality, kindness and forgiveness all wrapped around a story that feels hopeful and familiar to us all. Then this morning I listened to a podcast interview of a woman I consider to be one of the best story tellers alive—Rachel Naomi Remen. Not only is Remen convinced that stories hold the power to heal our individual lives, she believes they are also the key to healing the entire world. Could it be that authentic stories about love, loss, meaning, purpose and courage are what is missing in the world today?
Rachael Naomi Remen knows what she is talking about when it comes to healing. Not only is she a physician and a professor of medicine, she also spent years counseling those with cancer and other terminal illnesses. Using her unique background as a long-term survivor of her own chronic illness, she learned along the way that you can’t always cure an illness, or right a wrong—but finding healing is often just a story away. Remen says, “Hidden in all stories is the One story. The more we listen, the clearer that Story becomes. Our true identity, who we are, why we are here, what sustains us, is in this story.”
I think many of us in the world today would like to help create a more kind, loving and compassionate world today but we don’t know how. We have grown so accustomed to being, as Remen says, “…solitary; readers and watchers instead rather than sharers and participants.” We read books like Fried Green Tomatoes At the Whistle Stop Café and feel a heartfelt longing for those kinds of deep connections where we would risk everything to help a neighbor or a friend. We Tweet and write Facebook posts about the injustices that we see everywhere and yet never take the time to introduce ourselves to the person we’ve passed dozens of times on the sidewalk. Long gone are the stories we tell each other sitting around the kitchen table or fire.
I’m talking about me here of course. But isn’t that what any story is—an experience of one person who suspects that their story may also speak to another person’s experience? Fannie Flagg started by writing a story about some of the people she knew from her childhood, and about her experiences growing up in the south. Her story was so compelling it almost immediately became a success and made into a movie. Yet, she claims that in the beginning no publisher was even remotely interested in the book saying that it was just a “story” about an old lady in a nursing home. Those of us who have read it know that the book is much more than that—it speaks to the kindness of the human heart, the transcendence and acceptance of love where and when a person finds it, and the enormous capacity for courage and resilience some people have in the face of suffering. Hearing stories like that remind us of what we are capable of, instead of asking us to focus on the worst that is possible.
And that brings me back to Remen who explains how she believes that we can use our stories to heal ourselves and the world. And of course she does it by telling a story. That story is the Birthday of the World. In Remen’s own words as told to Krista Tippet of “On Being”…
This is the story of the birthday of the world. In the beginning, there was only the holy darkness, the Ein Sof, the source of life. Then, in the course of history, at a moment in time, this world, the world of a thousand thousand things, emerged from the heart of the holy darkness as a great ray of light. And then, perhaps because this is a Jewish story, there was an accident. [laughs] And the vessels containing the light of the world, the wholeness of the world, broke. And the wholeness in the world, the light of the world, was scattered into a thousand thousand fragments of light. And they fell into all events and all people, where they remain deeply hidden until this very day.
Now, according to my grandfather, the whole human race is a response to this accident. We are here because we are born with the capacity to find the hidden light in all events and all people; to lift it up and make it visible once again and, thereby, to restore the innate wholeness of the world. This is a very important story for our times — that we heal the world one heart at a time. This task is called “tikkun olam” in Hebrew, “restoring the world.”
What if this is true? What if we don’t have to go out and transform the entire planet with our actions? What if all we have to do is find the “hidden light in all events and all people” and then do our best to share that light? I think a lot of us use the excuse that what can little-ole-me do in the face of so much suffering? A lot. We can listen. We can tell people and those we love stories of healing and wholeness. We can remind people that we, and they, are so much more than just human “doings” with a long list of accomplishments. I think it is important to continually tell each other that an authentic life filled with love, meaning, purpose and hope is far, far more rewarding than a long life of fear, suffering, hypocrisy, or insincerity.
Remen is convinced that the way to heal ourselves and the world is one story at a time, one person at a time. And that story doesn’t have to be grand, it just has to be the one we’ve been given to tell. She goes on to say that “…it’s our very wounds that enable us to make a difference. We are the right people, just as we are…. The fact is that life is full of losses and disappointments, and the art of living is to make of them something that can nourish others.”
I don’t know what your wounds are but if you, like me, have lived any length of time on this planet you have them. We all do. But most of the time we go around acting as though those wounds are an embarrassment that we need to hide. Then we go on to tell ourselves we are not good enough to help or heal others—let alone the world. Yet Remen says that stories are actually more important to us than food because they tell us who we are, what’s important to us, what is possible for us, and what we can call upon in the face of need. Remen also confirms that the story we decide to share with others about our losses and suffering determine the direction of the remainder of our life—we really do get to make it up.
Whenever we find someone willing to listen we each have the option of listing the “facts” or telling a deep story about our experiences. Sure the facts might be the “bones” of our lives, but let’s not forget it is the story that breathes aliveness into our world. In the end, what makes a story like Fried Green Tomatoes so wonderful isn’t the chronological details of the events, it is how alive and real Idgie and Ruth and the rest of them are as life unfolds with love, hope, loss, heartbreak and redemption. Perhaps the SMART approach is to be sure the stories we tell ourselves and others are as alive and rich. Then maybe, just maybe, we can help heal our little bit of the world right where we are.
Okay, your turn. Do you believe stories have the ability to heal us? Do you agree with Remen that define who we are and where we are headed? Have you ever considered that your wounds just might hold the seed of what you can best share with the world? What stories do you most remember that inspire you? Please share your thoughts in the comments below.
Kathy, beautifully written! I think for many bloggers, a deeply felt reason for blogging is to connect with others through story. In blogs, we tell our our stories, and also we read and comment on the stories other bloggers tell. But our blogs sometimes don’t get beyond a somewhat superficial level.
A strange thing about “true” stories is that usually they cannot be directly demanded or extracted from the teller. Rather they are shy things that creep out when certain conditions have been met. I am not sure of all the conditions, but I think a level of comfort, trust, and reciprocity with the listener are some of them.
I remember joining a community art group when I was about 40. Most of the members were seniors and most were women. After several weeks, once the women got used to me (the new member) and began to trust me, I discovered that they didn’t just come together to paint. Rather, they talked about all the things going on in their lives – a sick husband, kids in financial trouble, struggles with the decision to retire, and so on.
I am now finding the same thing with my book club, and with the weekly bingo that I volunteer at for my service club, and when I talk regularly on the phone with far-away friends. Caring, helping, confiding about your own worries and troubles, and just showing up and listening without judgment, seem to elicit personal stories that go beyond a superficial level and strengthen the bonds of connection. So many times, as I stood at the kitchen sink with my Mom doing the dishes, our conversation veered into personal worries that we were trying to tamp down out of sight. Our relationship was the stronger for it.
Jude
Hi Jude! Thanks for adding this to the conversation. I so agree. It does take “trust” for us to open up more deeply and then it takes an open heart and courage to share our stories with each other. I think your examples of how you connect with the people in your book club and other groups are perfect. A girlfriend with children says she always had the best talks with her kids when they were driving somewhere in the car and things just popped up. You can’t necessarily plan those moments but I do believe we can help create moments that offer the potential. As for us bloggers, it is a fine line (at least for me.) I find many bloggers share so much personal and oftentimes trivial information about themselves that it loses me. I like to think about things, and tend to enjoy those who make me think and throw in some of the more personal bits of their lives as inspiration. But again, that’s me. I’m just grateful for you and others who take the time to come by and find something of value in what I have to share. Thank you again. ~Kathy
Such a lovely post!
I have heard about Fried Green Tomatoes for years, bu have never read it. You brought it to life in such a amazing way that I’ve resolved to track it down and read it this week! Obviously, it inspired you to write this compelling post! And kudos to you for pointing out that curing and healing are not the same process.
Thanks Diane! Let me know if you do read it. I would enjoy your feedback. ~Kathy
Hi Kathy,
I’ve enjoyed all of Fannie Flagg’s writing, but my favourite is Fried Green Tomatoes at the Whistle Stop Cafe. I love stories like this one. My favourite kind of writing.
I very much agree with Remen, that we heal the world (and ourselves) with stories.
Thanks for this post!
Deb
Hi, Kathy – I’ve not read ‘Fried Green Tomatoes’ but loved the movie (the book is now on my list).
Thank you for this provocative and nudging post. I completely agree that the art of living is for each of us to take our own gifts and experiences and help turn them into something that can nourish others.”
Hi Donna! I was pleasantly surprised. I had actually thought that if the book was too repetitive or boring I’d go to my book club and just talk about the movie. But the book is written in what I believe to be a “clever” way and held my interest the whole way through. Oh, and everyone who showed up for the book club loved it too…it lead to a great discussion which of course touched on story telling. Such a great way to be reminded of something that all of us blogger/writers have at our disposal every day. ~Kathy
I saw the movie “Fried Green Tomatoes” a few years ago and, honestly, I didn’t like it much. But that doesn’t at all take away from the power of stories. What affects one person may not affect someone else, and visa versa … and there’s always another story. I just saw “The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Nighttime,” a play adapted from the book which I read, oh, probably a decade ago. It’s a great story that does, for me, what “Fried Green Tomatoes” does for you. Anyway … great post!
Hi Tom! I’d be really curious to hear why you didn’t care for the “story” Tom? I agree that not every story speaks to everyone so I suppose there are bound to be those who don’t care for it. Of course, now I’m curious about “The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Nighttime.” Maybe I’ll look that book up myself? ~Kathy
Kathy, thank you for writing about the power of story. I couldn’t agree more. I’ve witnessed over and over again the power of telling, sharing and hearing story. It creates bonds between people. I’ve even seen students discover their voices, bask in the healing that happens in the sharing of their stories, and the catharsis that occurs when they discover that…not only are others interested, but they care!
So many hearts are touched through story, and in ways we can’t predict or fathom.
There is magic embedded in that One Story, which promises each of us that even in the face of hopelessness and darkness, we can find a way to shine the light within. We need that, and maybe that is why we have always told stories. Even cave dwellers told stories.
We haven’t lost that. We are still immersed in story, even though we don’t scratch our st on cave walls or tell them around a fire so often. But story is everywhere, embedded in our lives.
What a wonderful post. And enjoy Flagg’s book! All her books are good!
Hi Jamie! Thanks for taking the time to comment and share your thoughts about story telling. And wouldn’t you say that all your work with film also tells stories. And when you teach that skill to those younger than you, you provide them with a way to express themselves that is so very important. I also agree stories are everywhere but I sense that much of the busy-ness of our current culture gets in the way of “hearing” stories. Taking the time to pause and listen is equally important. I was also surprised to learn that Fanny Flagg has 10 books in print? I will have to check more of them out. ~Kathy
Kathy, I do believe in the power of the story to heal. And I believe that everyone has a story — or many stories. I’d never seen nor read Fried Green Tomatoes. So after reading your blog, I’ve turned it on. Watching now – and then I’ll check out the book from the library. Thanks for the idea!
Hi Janet! What did Maya Angelou say? “There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside of you.” Aren’t us writers fortunate to be able tell our stories all the time. And I can’t believe you’ve never seen Fried Green Tomatoes. It is also a great read with a clever style that I think you would enjoy. And yes, the story is golden. ~Kathy
I think this is a powerful and important post. As a writer of “other world” fiction, I’ve done a lot of thinking about the value of stories. I believe that all humans use stories as tools to help make sense of the world. Not all such stories are helpful or healing, although the best of them surely are. To be helpful, a story must be honest. It can’t reject or distort unwelcome facts. To be healing, it has to be built around a core of hope and desire to make things better. Can a person do that by writing about people and events that are entirely fictional? I’m not sure. But I hope so, because I’ve never felt more called or more empowered by anything than by my fiction writing.
Again, thanks for a thought-provoking post.
Hi Carol. Thank you. I too believe that a story has to be real on the deepest level, not necessarily a “true” story, but real. I agree that ideally it would be good to be “built around a core of hope and desire to make things better.” But that is rather an illusive task isn’t it? What I desire and see as hopeful might not be the same as you. What I do think is that they need to highlight and promote deep values that we all can relate to. Things like love, kindness, forgiveness, wholeness, etc. are universal themes that speak to us all. And I certainly think fiction stories can be as powerful as “true stories” because fiction can easily incorporate those universal values and themes that remind us of what it means to be human on the deepest level. Like the example of Fried Green Tomatoes, it isn’t a true story but it still has the ability to touch people deeply. And I like the idea of “other world” fiction too. Again, who isn’t inspired when we see others reach deep inside and do something noble and true no matter what planet they are on! Please write stories that inspire us all! ~Kathy
Kathy I loved this post. As a reader and writer, I believe that stories have the power to change us all. I wrote my Ph.D. dissertation on the power of stories. Our world needs to much healing right now, stories could definitely help. When we share stories, we learn to understand each other better which cures a lot of ills and heals a lot of hurts. Stories can illuminate the unknown and we are often afraid of the unknown. I am a believer!
Hi Michele! Good for you for recognizing the power of our stories enough to do your dissertation on it! And I think it is very helpful all of us writers to do our best to remind others (and ourselves!) that the words we put out there matter! I agree that there are a lot of disturbing things happening in the world right now but I also remain convinced that allowing ourselves to be sucked into reactionary anger or hatred and then spewing that around is not helpful–to us or others. I tend to take the approach that if I can heal my own hurts (through stories or any other way) I am far better to make choices and be proactive in the actions that I take to make positive change in the world. And yes to recognizing that so much of our fear comes from the unknown…and if we can find a place of peace within ourselves, we won’t scare or scar others at the same time. Thanks for your thoughts on this. ~Kathy
Whether I am teaching, listening to clients or goofing around with friends, some of those old stories or personal experiences really make me feel alive and REAL. Even sharing embarrassing personal stories helps make us authentic and feel good about having survived. “Remen says that stories…tell us who we are, what’s important to us, what is possible for us, and what we can call upon in the face of need. ” Yes Kathy
Hi Gary! Isn’t that the truth? Even, maybe even especially, when our stories are embarrassing or painful can they offer us a chance to share our authentic selves. And I think when we do that we connect more intimately and REAL with others in ways we all long to do. Plus as you say that feeling of aliveness. I can’t help but imagine that a big part of the problems people are facing these days is due to the fact that we’ve forgotten how to feel alive and grateful for that experience. What do you say about that Doctor??? ~Kathy
Kathy,
A very meaningful post. Stories that touch us can move us to action, even if it is only a little shift to see that light.
Empathy is understanding someone’s story; Compassion is acting on that empathy to make a difference in someone’s life.
Let’s do compassion.
Hi Nancy! Yes to compassion any where we can find it. And I was so reminded by both the movie AND The pod cast about the influence we each have on our own “circle” of friends, family and acquaintances I’m going to do my best from here on out to make sure my stories uplift and I hope others do the same. And at the same time, I want to listen to others as they tell their stories and do that with compassion as well. Thank you for your thoughts on this. ~Kathy
An oral tradition is wrapped in story telling. It is an art. We all know someone who tells a good story. We all can learn from a good story.
Hi Haralee! Perhaps a diminishing art? I went to my book club last night and talked about Fried Green Tomatoes and we all agreed that story telling is getting lost in the midst of so many distractions. Instead of sitting at the table and sharing the “story” of our day, most are either watching TV or staring at their phones. Maybe it’s time for setting aside time to tell and listen to each others stories??? ~Kathy
So many thoughts are coming to mind. I’m thinking of Amanda Marshall’s song – Everyone Has a Story to Tell. I’m thinking of “save one” (that I think came from Mother Theresa) about just focusing on one when we’re overwhelmed with the multitudes that need help. I’m thinking of a Canadian cowboy who commented that when a tragedy occurs, if we fail to learn anything from it, it’s a double tragedy (after the plane crash that claimed the lives of 4 cowboys). Yes, I believe that stories have the ability to heal us.
Hi Mona! Thank you for sharing a couple of thoughts this brought up in you. And I LOVE Amanda Marshall…I had forgotten about that sone. And yes, I think that Mother Theresa’s reminder that if we can save just one then we are doing well. I try to think of that when I write something….if just one person gets something good from my words then I have accomplished something valuable for us both. ~Kathy