A few days ago as I was beginning my morning walk, my mind began churning through all the things I needed and wanted to get done that day. At the same time, I also remembered what I had neglected getting around to doing the day before—not to mention the week before. Then I knew it my thoughts began spiraling down that rabbit hole that many of us know too well. So, to distract myself, I grabbed my iPhone and started searching for a podcast to listen to as I walked One popped up on my screen titled something like, “Slow down and go with the flow in troubling times.” Just a few words into the podcast the author being interviewed said exactly what I needed to hear. He said, “We need to choose bliss over busy.”
Ahhh…. Just hearing the idea, “bliss over busy” was enough for me to feel my shoulders relax and my breath deepen. Bliss over busy. That statement seemed to melt away all those things I should or could be doing. The speaker, author Lee Holden, went on to say that we usually equate busy with being productive. Why? Probably because feeling productive and getting things done makes us feel more essential and valuable. And it’s likely we want others to notice that about us too.
Almost at the same time I instantly recognized one of my Top-Ten re-occurring “should’s” that persistently occupies my mind. It is one that insists, “You really need to write a blog post! How long has it been?” But almost as quickly as that thought popped into my head, I heard a gentle voice that sounded suspiciously like Lee Holden suggesting that I “Choose bliss over busy.”
It’s clear that I have ongoing guilt about not writing more. As I’ve said numerous times in the past, I enjoy writing. It is a significant part of my purpose. But I’m also finding that at this time in my life I have a lot of different interests that I want to do. If there is anything in your life that you enjoy doing, but don’t feel like you do it enough, or as well as you think you should—you too might be feeling a sense of guilt about your lack of productivity in that area. Okay, so maybe I’m the only one?
What I do know is that when I heard that idea of choosing bliss over busy it made a difference to me. I know that my busy-ness is often tied to my productivity. I think most of us hide that innate desire to be productive under the guise of “busy” because that sounds better or more important. But if you think about it, the word productive sounds like we are machines cranking out products. In other words, if we aren’t putting out something recognized as valuable, then we are wasting our time. On the other hand, busy sounds like we have vital and necessary activities that occupy our schedule. However, research shows that the majority of those who work are only being truly productive about half the time they are at work. Do we? And what if we are retired? We likely fill our days with actions and pastimes out of habit or distraction just to feel productive.
Bliss on the other hand is the feeling that we are where we are, doing what we are doing (or not doing) and that is the best thing possible action in the moment. It is naturally waking slowly in the morning, drinking coffee, and writing in my journal without any sense that I am being busy—or productive. It is sitting and sharing a conversation with a friend. It is reading a book or cruising on your bike through the neighborhood. Now I realize that not everyone has the freedom and ability to do that in the world. Obligations of one sort or another often demand different choices. But I think the idea of holding oneself in stillness inside and resting in the notion that in this moment at least there is nothing that needs to be done. That is a feeling of bliss. Wouldn’t that be great if it were available to us all?
I’ve been dwelling on this idea of bliss for about a week now. I have discovered that a big part of the feeling of bliss is an awareness that I am enough. I don’t need to go faster, push harder, or accomplish more, I don’t need to fix anything, create anything, have anything. This moment, right here, is enough. It doesn’t mean that we won’t get things done or achieve things—it simply means we can create out of flow and connection. That conscious choice of bliss erases the drive to act busy.
Since listening to that podcast, I am trying to catch myself feeling busy. When I do, I pause and do my best to instead connect to that sensation of bliss. If I feel that twinge of guilt for not being productive, I take a deep breath and consciously choose bliss. At the same time, when I see anyone who appears to be taking things slow and relishing the moment, I silently congratulate them for choosing a moment of bliss. After all, that sounds like a SMART way to make the most of the time we have left in this world.
OMG, I wish I had had this photo of you to use in my current blog post! That is a great photo!!! And a perfect message. Bliss over busy. I’m putting that on a post it note right now.
Hi Galen…you write about this ALL the time and I read your posts and it helps me to remember to slow down. Thank you so much for your help on my path from busy to bliss…oh and feel free to use the photo if you ever want to!! ~Kathy
Hello Kathy!
I am just starting to read your brilliant writing.
Someone on Medium added a link to a story you wrote about Carl Jung. I read it and felt a connection to your writing almost immediately!!
I just turned 70 on October 21 and wrote an article about what 70 means to me; on my Medium blog.
Finding you and reading more of your writings today has been serendipitous!
This article about finding bliss resonated with me in a profound way.
Lately, I have found that I have started comparing my life to my sister’s, who just turned 68.
She has been talking a lot about all the activities she is doing, to keep herself in “tiptop” shape. Daily walking around 12,000 steps, joining a gym and going every other day to work out, lifting heavier weights than ever before, eating keto and feeling fabulous, taking all the “right” supplements, and more!!! She wants to live to be 100; God bless her!
Here I am, walking 6 to 8 thousand steps a day, hanging out at home with my French Bulldog much of the day, reading and writing on Medium, and watching Hallmark movies throughout the day. I do other things as well, but heck; compared to my sister, I’m falling short!! I thought I had stopped comparing myself to others years ago!
It doesn’t help that she tells me I need to “use it” or I am going to “lose it”!!!
Reading your article made me feel a huge sense of relief!!!
Thank you, Kathy! I look forward to reading many more of your articles.
BTW, I love the picture of you relaxing on your deck. Pure bliss!!???
Hi Bonnie! Thank you for letting me know this blog post brought you relief. Wasn’t it Theodore Roosevelt that said, “Comparison is the thief of joy?” Where Thom and I live during the winter it’s a 55 and older property. TONS of the residents are super active (like your sister) and that inspires me a bit to do, like you said, stay active and healthy to a degree. But the minute I sense some competition I’m out of there! I can never compete with some of them and don’t want to. Finding that happy balance that fits each of us is so important. And as a writer, you know that sometimes the most important thing we can do is sit down and write!!! You didn’t mention the name of your blog? Share it with me and I’ll check it out. ~Kathy
As often, your post hits home. We might live different lives, but I do believe we think alike often, Kathy.
I’m constantly thinking I need to do this or that and I’m constantly behind with everything, or so I think. My diary, messages, Facebook posts, blog writing, photo archiving, research, job hunting, replying to my own blog’s comments…
The truth is that our lives are so busy – and I’m not even talking about paid jobs, just life on the road, that I constantly feel I have to catch up. But, for who or for what? I recognize the feeling of guilt, but I also have so many other things to do and I’m exhausted, whenever I do have some downtime. The only thing I want to do in the evenings is relax, rest, and/or read.
Yet, the first thing I do during those moments, is try to catch up. Practicing Spanish and all those other things I mentioned. While I should just try to enjoy our lifestyle and travels in South America. Yup. Living in the moment is a blissful thing, but who can actually really do that?
Hi Liesbet! I am constantly amazed (when I read your blog posts) how busy you are and how much you get done!!! But the truth is I don’t envy you for all that you do because it seems like you are always on the move and constantly addressing challenges. My favorite posts (and photos) are truly the ones where you are visiting with friends and just hanging out and enjoying yourself. Of course I do know you both enjoy nature so being out in beautiful and exotic locations is also cool. But yeah, all that movement seems tiring. At some point I’m guessing when you get a bit older you will see some of the futility in all that business. But then maybe not. We are all so different. What I hope for you then is that you find a balance to your adventurous spirit and that part of you that wants to rest in the moment. ~Kathy
It’s all about a balance, for sure. I just have a hard time finding that, even after trying for two decades.
The irony is that we purposefully chose “slow travel” by taking our time and exploring the world in our own home on wheels. Yet, because we have to combine that with the normal life of work and errands, it turns very busy. Especially when you add the complications of traveling with a dog, in underdeveloped countries, where it’s difficult to find goods, food, and services, and constantly having things break that need fixing.
Oh boy – did I ever need to read this post. Bliss over busy is the perfect antidote to the pressure of a world that worships productivity. Like Karen noted in the previous comment, I was also surprised how “busy” retirement quickly became. But I think I have just been carrying over that mindset from all of the years when I really was that busy while working and raising a large family. I certainly feel most alive, when I am not rushed and am doing what I love and not what I “should” do. Here is to a more blissful retirement!
Great picture of you enjoying bliss!
Hi Marian! I’m glad you found the idea helpful like I did. And isn’t it amazing how easy it is even in retirement to fall into that “busy” trap. I think that mindset is one that we are taught in our culture from a young age. Stay productive. Make yourself useful. Don’t waste your time. Etc. etc. And once it is ingrained in us we are sorta silly to think it will go away when we stop working. The good news is that if we stop and manage to be more mindful, we can catch ourself on that hamster wheel and slow down. It isn’t easy. But I think we can do it. But like so many things, if we aren’t aware of it we don’t even try. Good luck and enjoy your retirement!!! ~Kathy
“Busy?” is often a conversation opener. I enjoy the look on the questioner’s face when the reply is “No.” I no longer have to be busy. There’s often a list of things left undone. I surrendered waiting to have bliss time when the to-do list is done; it seems the to-do list was never done so I put bliss time on the list of things to do. Do the next thing. It made a big difference in my life pre-retirement. I’ve also come to believe that there is no “nothing”. Even when I’m sitting on the deck looking at the horizon, sitting with my feet up reading a good book, I’m contemplating, reflecting, planning, imagining. You get the picture – there really is no nothing. That picture of you on the deck looks like a mini vacation to me.
Hi Mona! Saying “no” is a GREAT comeback. I think I’ll give that a try! As you sorta say, if we don’t make bliss a priority it will likely never happen. And I like how you bring up the fact that “nothing” doesn’t really mean nothing, it just depends on how we are spending time either within us or outside. Only we can decide what’s important to us and then choose to spend the moments of our lives doing it. And yeah, at this point of my life (and I’m guessing yours as well) we can make much of our days look like vacations! Thanks for sharing your thoughts we me! ~Kathy
Kathy, you make a good point that productivity/relevance/self-worth are all interwoven. The sooner we accept that our good is good enough, the sooner we can embrace guiltless bliss. Leanne, at Cresting the Hill writes about this topic frequently. If you haven’t read her blog, please check it out.
Hi Suzanne! Thank you for your thoughts. And yes, I read Leanne’s blog on occasion and she like a lot of us write about how our sense of worth and value are all intertwined. I’m thinking that the more we bloggers write about it and then we all read about it–from all sorts of directions the better, right? That especially makes sense when we are coming from that state of bliss! ~Kathy
Hi, Kathy – Your insight about giving ourselves permission to pause and simply be is a great reminder that we don’t need to constantly be doing to be worthy. It’s something I’m trying to embrace more, and your post was a gentle nudge in the right direction. Thank you for sharing such this!
Hi Donna! Ever since I first met you I have been constantly amazed at how much you manage to do all the time! I do believe some people have way more energy than others so yours is clearly up there. It’s not that you don’t sit and read. (your reading list is amazing) and I know you constantly take walks/hikes in nature so you are getting outside. I think in terms of bliss it all comes down to what we feel inside and no one else can say. I surely hope that you are finding bliss in plenty of moments of your day and like us all, if we consciously choose it more often, it’s there waiting for us. May your today be one of those! ~Kathy
Great to see and read a post Kathy and hope it didn’t make you feel too busy.
I agree with all that you wrote but haven’t followed it so well. I am only working about 8 hours a week. I love my work but also want to take it easier. At first the transition was much more difficult than I anticipated but things have improved.
I am more productive but not to BLISS yet. I am not going to “work” on that…
Hi Gary! Thanks! And it’s funny about writing some posts–when they are the right topic they come easy and flow. And this was one of them. Maybe not the deepest thoughts I’ve ever had but certainly important! And thanks for sharing your thoughts about retirement. I’m glad you are “adjusting” to it by easing into it gradually. I think like any habit we are trying to change, it helps to find replacements that you enjoy. And if those replacements bring bliss then that’s even better. Keep looking and I’ll bet you’ll find it! ~Kathy
At the beginning of Covid I recall several conversations about being glad to have time off from « everything ».. it’s a thing. I put to do things as they pop into my mind in the ToDo app and then I am not carrying it around in my mind. The bliss part.. still working on that. I find there is just too much information and I am doing too much doomscrolling so I have taken up knitting and it works. Yes no one wants knitted stuff any more. Maybe the people of Ukraine or Palestine will want it.
Hi Ann! Nice to hear from you! And I think making a list and then releasing it until the right time is a great suggestion. Of course we have to stay conscious about what we put on that list, right? But your suggestion about taking up knitting is also a great one. It can slow you down and take your mind off anywhere you don’t want to go. And with what I’ve heard about the cold weather in Canada so far this year, I’m sure there is someone who could use something knitted to stay warm!!! ~Kathy
Oh Kathy – I love this!
Since retiring about two years ago, I’ve been a bit annoyed to realize that all the “free” time and spaciousness I knew would be available . . .WASN’T. And that’s primarily because it turns out I have, during my decades of working, developed a habit of “busy and overwhelm!”
Yes, sometimes I had two jobs, and more recently my 35 years in ministry did require an incredible amount of time, attention, energy and juggling of countless responsibilities – rewarding but increasingly exhausting. (I’m sure many of my colleagues can relate!) I WAS busy busy busy and feelilng overwhelmed.
To my surprise and chagrin, since retirement, my days have gradually begun to feel busy and overwhelming. Huh??? What happened to all that spaciousness of time I anticipated?
Thankfully, as you observed in this blog, with conscious intention I am gradually re- calibrating my habitual mind-set of busy-and-overwhelm. I remind myself that there are so many things I do NOT “have to do;” that this day and this moment are spaces where I can simply “be” and allow my soul (body & mind too) to rest, breathe and FEEL into that spaciousness.
Of course, as you may have also discovered, it is in those lovely spacious times that I feel MORE alive, my creativity and imagination start percolating in delicious ways.
It’s a gradual process. That old habit doesn’t let go easily. I do my best to gently recognize it rather than allow myself to get frustrated and resistant (what we resist, persists.)
Thank you for reminding us to choose “bliss over busy!”
With appreciation for you,
Karen
Hi Karen! Thank you for your comment and making “it” one of the things you allowed to fill your time! And I can only imagine how the transition from your church to not doing church changed your days. But isn’t it funny how “busy” we can still be without formal occupations? I’m sure you’ve heard as much as me when people say, “How on Earth did we get anything done when we were working!!!” Good for you for staying aware of your daily choices and not letting that need to be busy take over! May bliss fill your days! ~Kathy