Like millions of other Americans, I first read The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz nearly 20 years ago. According to Wikipedia, the book sold over 5 million copies in just the U.S., was a New York Times bestseller for over seven years, and has been translated into 38 languages. Not a bad run for such a small book. But in spite its success, now might be a good time to update those agreements from a SMART perspective. After all, if life is continually changing as Ruiz says, then, “The best path to happiness is learning to change as rapidly as life does.”
Of course, just because we are doing an update and adding to The Four Agreements, that doesn’t mean we throw out the wisdom from the previous four. All these years later, I still refer to one or two of them on a regular basis. It’s also valuable to remember why having the right agreements are so crucial in the first place.
Ruiz teaches what he calls ancient Toltec Wisdom. Similar in some ways to many New Thought or New Age religions, Toltec Wisdom teaches that the material world and all individuals are reflections of “light perceiving light.” Unfortunately, most of us have a very “smoky mirror” clouding our perception so that we’ve forgotten the Source of the light, and instead see merely a “dream” rather than the reality of the Light behind it all.
This dream is pervasive. Instead of seeing the truth behind the light, we all fall asleep or slip under the spell that Ruiz calls mitote or illusion. To make sense of our dreams or illusions, we come up with agreements or beliefs. We then store those agreements, both collectively and individually, until they end up domesticating us into a mass illusion. Rather than thinking for ourselves, instead of claiming our birthright as light perceiving light, we fall deeper asleep to life itself. Like erroneous laws made by unscrupulous leaders, Ruiz says, “The whole dream is based on false law. Ninety-five percent of the beliefs we have stored in our minds are nothing but lies, and we suffer because we believe all those lies.”
So what can we do? Ruiz teaches that first we must be aware of the mitote around us. Then we must challenge the thousands of agreements that we’ve believed before, and replace them with new and helpful ones. Ruiz says, “If we can see it is our agreements which rule our life, and we don’t like the dream of our life, we need to change the agreements. “ Ruiz then lays out the following four agreements as a way to break free away from the mass domestication that most of us have lived under for most of our lives in order to rework pattern and reclaim our power.
#1 Be Impeccable With Your Word. Recognize that every word uttered has transformative power to co-create the world where you live. Use that power in relation to yourself and your world. Ruiz reminds us that, “your intent manifests through your word.”
#2 Don’t Take Anything Personally. According to Ruiz, we only take things personally when we agree, on some level, with what is said, or when we are trying to be right and make others wrong. However, if we don’t buy into what others say, then it has nothing whatsoever to do with us. Ruiz believes, “Nothing other people do is because of you. It is because of themselves.”
#3 Don’t Make Assumptions. Most of us believe our assumptions are correct. Unfortunately, as the saying goes, “Don’t assume! That makes an ‘ass’ of ‘u’ and ‘me’!” Instead, Ruiz recommends you ask questions, get extremely clear about communication and have the courage to speak your truth.
#4 Always Do Your Best. A big part of this agreement is taking action. Regardless of where you are or what the conditions, just do your best and keep moving forward. Fully love and accept yourself, do your best and stay in the present moment.
Taken alone, none of the agreements seem earth shattering, but collectively they can and have changed people’s lives. The success of the book and the message behind it is proof that they struck a chord with people around the world. What I would like to do is add four more SMART agreements to take them even further.
#1 Remember you get to make it up. If every agreement you’ve ever made is stored within you as a belief, remembering that we “made them up” is a huge key to knowing we can change them at any time. By seeing through the illusion of the mitote, we can rework our agreements into knowing a fulfilled and happy life are yours to experience when we take responsibility.
#2 Rightsizing is a path to freedom. By remembering that rightsizing is the act of eliminating the superficial or unnecessary, and embracing what matters most, we find the path to tremendous joy. Rightsizing applies to where we live, how we live and everything we have to give and share with the world.
#3 Happiness is a choice. Studies available everywhere continue to prove that the degree of happiness and life satisfaction is largely under our control. That doesn’t mean that tough circumstances don’t happen to all of us, but that following those events we always have the choice to return to our happiness set-point and live a life of contentment and wellbeing.
#4 Stay awake, aware and mindful every day. If we accept that life is mostly an illusion, one of the biggest obstacles to that is falling asleep to the dream that Ruiz continually refers to in his book. It’s not easy, nor always pleasant, to stay conscious and aware, but it is SMART. Only then can we change those things in our life that are ours to change. As the Serenity Prayer says, “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”
Of course, the SMART perspective on any issue is to follow your own personal guidance with all things. In other words, if Ruiz’s agreements or my agreements don’t work for you, then come up with those that fit the life you want to live. Just remember; an awesome life seldom happens by chance. We are all living by our agreements every single day. Let’s make sure they are SMART and awesome.
I’m probably the only one who hasn’t read this book, but I’m making a note of it. I haven’t been on this journey as long as you have. I guess I’m an accidental right-sizer so my education is just starting to catch up! Most I learn from you.
Hi Rena! Actually, I’m surprised that a number of others haven’t read the book either! It’s always fun to introduce people to a few of the old “classics” that have been around awhile. That almost makes me wonder if I should do a series on just that? Thanks for the inspiration Rena!!! ~Kathy
Thanks for a useful and detailed article.
Your four agreements are the perfect addition to the original work
I’m one those millions who haven’t read The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. After reading your article I was intrigued and I have to search it on Amazon. The tips that you’ve mentioned here in your article have caught my attention to find this book. Thank you 🙂
Hi Thea! Wow! I’m surprised that so many people haven’t read The Four Agreements. I know it was a bit popular about 10 years ago but it really did find it’s way to lots of people. I’m glad you found the ideas intriguing and would really love to know what you think once you read it. Sometimes it is the simple ideas that have the biggest impact don’t you think? Thanks for your comment. ~Kathy
I’ve always loved Ruiz’ book too, Kathy! You and I percolate to the same wisdom, which always tweaks me 🙂
And isn’t it cool how all the great wisdom paths really teach the same thing. It’s all about energy in the end, no?
And I LOVE your additions! Your number 1 made me laugh out loud–because it’s so true, but more I love the way you put it! And I couldn’t help but think on your number 4 about how I’ve been working on staying tuned in, tapped in, and turned on 🙂
Love this!
Hi Susan! I’m not going to ever be surprised again that you are familiar with some of the books I use as a reference or other ideas I write about here on SMART Living because you do pretty much the same on your blog too. I still wish you lived closer so we could get together over a glass of wine and talk about all the other things we have in common. Where in TX are you???? And yes to being tuned in, tapped in and turned on! ~Kathy
I know, Kathy–it’s like we’ve traveled a similar path! I wish I were closer to you too. Ah, the talks we could have over a nice glass of wine 🙂
I’m south of Dallas about an hour, in the country. Texas heaven!
Hey Susan….well we actually own some investment property in Houston AND in Austin so who knows? If we make it out for a trip sometime in the future we’ll have to see if we can put together a meet up! Who knows? Intention is everything! ~Kathy
You’ll be in my neck of the woods if you go to either Houston or Austin! I’m the perfect stop for a chat on the deck with a glass of wine 🙂
Perfect! If we come that way let’s definitely make a date!
Hi Kathy,
Well, another one here who hasn’t read the book yet. I checked it out on Amazon and it sure looks great. Thanks for recommending it.
I love Ruiz’s idea of mitote. We could easily be ensnared in it, the sad part being it may take a really long time before we realize we are. And I love how you expressed your points on humans’ strength and resilience. We fall from time to time, but in truly understanding and being willing to live an awesome life, there’s indeed no other way but up–even if it’s tough.
Hi Ethan! And welcome to SMART Living. I am happy to introduce you to a book that has been so widely received around the world. I think the concept of it is fairly simple but something about it definitely struck a cord. If you do get a chance to check it out, please come back and let me know what you think. And thanks for taking the time to share your thoughts. ~Kathy
Your four agreements are the perfect addition to the original work. I particularly like your number one. It’s important to remember we created what we have so we can change it too. Too many get stuck in a rut and want to put the blame any where but on themselves.
Hi Lois! Thank you! I’ve always been amazed at how many people appreciate Ruiz’s original four so I hope that mine spark at least a tiny bit of resonance with everyone as well. But then I’m also aware that much of what I post here on SMART Living is just “preaching to the choir” as they say! Still, I sure appreciate reminders and hope everyone else does as well. Let’s continue to remind each other no matter how long our blogs continue, okay Lois! ~Kathy
All eight are great – and so hard to sustain. I think we just aim at getting a little bit better at them every day – hopefully one day I’ll wake up and be able to say “yes I’ve got a handle on all of these!” but it will probably be somewhere down the road 🙂
Hi Leanne! You and me both! I agree that they all benefit our lives and sound simple–but that doesn’t mean they are easy. As you say, “hopefully one day I’ll wake up and be able to say, ‘yes I’ve got a handle on all of these!'” Until then let’s just do our best! ~Kathy
Why I enjoy your blog every week Kathy is that it is always thought provoking. During this political season here in the USA, #1 is so very important!
Hi Haralee. Thank you! I do like to keep us all thinking and reflecting on what is going on so it always does my heart glad to hear it. Now which #1 did you like the best? I happen to think BOTH #1s are pretty important but I think all of us can come up with really important things to include in our lives. Let’s keep remembering as 2016 unfolds. ~Kathy
I like all of this, yours and his. For this election year, I most heartily recommend “Be impeccable with your word,” and also “Stay awake!”
Hi Carol! Yes! I do think that remembering those two things are critical during this particular year. I’m doing my best….how about you? ~Kathy
Definitely a lot worth thinking about, especially in terms of my own negative thinking. Thanks for the input.
H Anne! Thank you for sharing your thoughts about this. And if I can inspire you in any way to make the effort to think and talk as positively as possible about yourself and your life then I feel like I have succeeded. There is so much evidence by people who study psychology that reinforces the fact that those who think with a more positive perspective live happier lives. Of course that doesn’t mean we deny it when things are tough, only that we don’t give up and continue to make every effort to remember that things can and will get better. Good luck! ~Kathy
I guess I wasn’t one of the millions who read The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz so I really enjoyed your introduction and synopsis! And, your additions are right on! I was going to say that I especially liked your #1 and #3, but they are all important.
Hi Janis! REALLY! You haven’t read it? I’m surprised because it has been such a popular book. I’m happy to introduce you to it although I do think I gave you a great synopsis that highlights the best. I have also heard Don Miguel Ruiz speak a couple of times in concert and while I can tell he is deeply committed to his work I never found his talks particularly inspiring. Still, there is something very powerful for his agreements that people around the world have resonated with, and I’m hoping that mine just help to add to his ideas. ~Kathy