Lately I have been absorbed with planning an extended adventure this coming summer. I enjoy the process of charting out where I want to go, where to stay and what I might want to do. But this morning I heard a great quote that reminded me of something that applies to not only our vacations, but our lives as well. That quote is by a philosopher named Alfred Korzybski who said, “The map is not the territory.” In other words, my “trip plan” is not the adventure any more than a menu is the meal. And while it might appear obvious that our “models” of situations, circumstances or reality are not the real thing—many of us unconsciously confuse the two and then forget we are forgetting! Remembering why it matters could clear up a lot of misunderstandings and disappointment in our world.
For example, if you read my last blog post you know that I wrote about being “ghosted” by a longtime friend. From the comments and conversations I’ve had since that post appeared, I am not alone. Lots of us have lost touch or had fallings-out with former friends that we never completely understood. The problem is, most of our story about what happened isn’t necessarily the whole truth. Our stories are the maps we created to help us make sense of the situation. And again, the map is not the territory.
Like most of us, I wish that wasn’t so. I prefer to believe that I know exactly what happened with my former friend as much as I like to believe I know what others think (at least some of the time!) But again, the map is not the territory. And even if those others tell me what they are thinking, my interpretation of what they tell me is often just a “map” that leads me to a certain conclusion.
The biggest problem with our inaccurate map association is that we do it all-the-time and completely forget we are doing it. Any opinion we have of circumstances, places, events, people, etc. is our interpretation of them—not necessarily the truth. In fact, everything we think is “true”, is probably just a map of the reality we believe. Again, I don’t like that anymore than most people. But until we are willing to analyze where and what and how we came to believe something, then it is likely just another piece of the map we’ve created to believe the world we think we know.
Of course we have a lot of help with designing those internal maps in the first place. Our parents raised us believing in the maps they found most useful and passed them on to us. I’m reminded of that story about cooking a pot-roast.
A young woman was fixing a pot roast for the first time for her new spouse. She found a baking pan and before sticking it in the pan she cut off both ends. When asked by her spouse why she was cutting off the ends before cooking the roast she simply responded, “That’s the way mom always did it and it was always delicious.” The next time the spouse was over at Mom’s house she asked her about the strange custom of cutting the ends off the roast before cooking it. The only explanation that Mom had was that grandma had always done it with her roast and it turned out wonderful. So of course, the curious young couple had to ask grandma about the practice the next time they saw her. With a chuckle, grandma just said, “Oh I did that because I never had a pan big enough for a roast. So, I just cut off the ends to make it fit.”
Our maps don’t just come from our parents. They come from our schools, our churches, and our friends as well as our government and corporate advertisers. All those others are happy to share their maps with us and as long as we don’t question them, we get along mostly. But if we do run into a problem, then chances are very good that it is because we are responding to a map rather than reality. And if our map is so ingrained in us that we can’t see that there might be more going on that what we believe or can even see, then there could be a big conflict.
Even more of a problem is how we often equate our identities with our maps. Any time we define ourselves by a singular or limited view, then we are believing the map is the territory. Don’t believe me? Do you identify as a conservative or a liberal? How about Christian, Jew or atheist? Do you think of yourself as introverted or extroverted? A mom? A professional? A single? A LGBTQ? All of those labels might list an aspect of you, but they too are not the complete and whole you. And the descriptions (and/or judgements) we make about others boil down to the same thing.
This is one good explanation of why there is so much division in our world today. Most of us are convinced our version of reality (our map) is the right one and everyone else’s is either incomplete or flat out wrong. Meanwhile, those with a different map are thinking the same about us. Unless and until we are willing to question our maps and realize they are just a part of the equation, things likely won’t change. After all, if we won’t—how can we expect anyone else to?
So, I’m not about to give up making my travel plans. I’m having too much fun imagining where we will be staying and different activities we will include. But I’m also aware that the day-to-day, moment-by-moment experiences I will have when I am on the trip will be far more complex than my anticipation. Plus, want to be open and flexible as things change. And guess what? I also want to be available and accepting of the people I encounter without pigeon-holing them into my judgements. And because my “map” is not reality, there is a very good chance that what it will look like and what I will experience will only loosely resemble my pre-planning.
When you think about it, it’s not different than how so many of us anticipate the future. Some look with fear and others with eagerness or a hundred other emotions. Some see loving humans occupying the planet and others see scary people out to hurt them. But in the end the stories we anticipate are just map filters we consistently/routinely use to view the world. In the end, those maps may or may not be the reality we will actually experience. Perhaps the SMART perspective is to remember that a map is not the territory, any more than shadows on a cave wall are reality.
Hi Kathy. I agree with your sentiment in this post that it is important to not get locked into a rigid point of view as that impedes personal learning and growth, as well as understanding or empathizing with others. As you point out, another mistake people make is to confuse their identity with their current perspective or situation.
In the social sciences, this idea of building maps of reality is labelled as “cognitive construction of meaning” (how we connect ideas to build knowledge) and “social construction of meaning” (how we collaborate to create shared understandings of what is). And, just to throw a wrench in the works, there’s also a lot of debate about whether and in what sense “reality” exists, with extreme “interpretivists” claiming there is no reality. For an interpretivist, that thing you’re calling a map is all there is, and everyone’s is different.
Jude
Hi Jude! Thanks for pointing out some of the more educational studies of map-making and giving us more reference to them. While I can see that can be helpful, I also think that using maps as metaphor to analyze whether where or how we are either identified or not with what we are convinced is the one and only view of the world is helpful. While I’m not an extreme interpretivist, I can definitely see how a lack of understanding that idea would keep people locked into thinking their interpretation is the same as everyone else’s. And that of course would be a cause to many of the problems in the world today. Thanks for your thoughts on this. ~Kathy
Everyone’s map is different, nor is it entirely accurate. And therein is the rub. I like the idea of acknowledging how we each change over time and how the world around us changes. To some people the idea of change is anathema to being a person of good character, but I find it shows you’re paying attention to reality, to the territory as it were– and you are a better person because of it.
Hi Ally! I agree. We are all so different the challenge is that we remember we CAN change if and when we want to don’t you think? And usually find those who try to avoid change are just frightened of what might happen. Sort of like putting up with the devil you know rather than risking a devil you don’t know. And because I definitely a “pro-change” kind of person, I really like thinking I’m “better because of it.” But again, that is just my map isn’t it? Thanks for raising some interesting insight! ~Kathy
Wow, Kathy, this has definitely been my lesson for today! Every conversation I have had has been along these lines.
I think that, while it is difficult to accept that someone’s perception of reality is different from ours, and that neither of us are more “right” than the other, it is crucial for all of us to understand, if we are ever going to find peace in the polarized social/political climate we live in right now.
It definitely is a daily practice.
Hi Bethany! Thanks for checking in on this! And yes, I think a lot of us KNOW this, but it is so easy to just get seduced by the world and stuff going on that we forget to make it part of our ongoing awareness. (at least I do!!!) May we all find what helps us remember and do our (daily) practice to keep it up. ~Kathy
I’m a big fan of maps too, but a bigger fan of actually being there 🙂 Btw, interesting how your post did a great job describing why (a certain someone you know) doesn’t like to take those personality tests.
Hi Janis! You are so right. I actually first heard the idea on a podcast where the hosts were talking about the renewed interest that people have in being an ambivert (somewhere between an extrovert and introvert) and how everyone kept wanting to “label” themselves one or the other rather than just using the terms as aspects of their personalities. I think it boils down for our desire to have an operational guide for being human! If we just knew how things worked, we worked, we would have all the answers. So yeah, even those of us who do love personality tests have to remember that any result we get is only part of us…(if that) and never the whole thing! ~Kathy
Heads-up, girl:
Take your first finger and hold
it close to your indelible thumb;
the spaceNbetween is how long
our lives are – then comes eternity:
Seventh-Heaven or Abyss o’Misery
(yes, dear, Purgatory is true as
the Son Shining upon humanity).
?????????????????????
And who decides which realm?
WEE do! Ourselves! And our eyes!
…according to the deeds WEE have
accomplished in our WEE lifetime!
??? nrg2xtc.blogspot.com ???
I’m a true, Near Death Experiencer.
—> God Bless You.
—> I’ll pray for you.
—> God ain’t a religion;
God’s a relationship.
Hi Matte. Thanks for your comment. I am not quite sure how to respond to your thoughts but appreciate the creativity of your map! ~Kathy
Gladya kept it.
A lotta peepow dont
or they’re indifferent.
—>
If you don’t get raptured,
follow me to Heaven by
MARTYRDOM:
guillotines rock –
all over within a
split second, dear:
? en.gravatar.com/matteblk ?
be@peace.
GBY x-tra.
Cya soon.
It is so true that are perception is our reality. Hopefully, there are shreds of truth layered into it. Equating it to a map is an interesting take on it. And you’re right the map is not the journey any more than the menu is not the food. It gives you choices and it’s up to you to decide how they will unfold.
Social and parental programming through the years does definitely shape our views of the world. I try to catch myself when I’m falling into a pattern to kind of break the cycle as it were. I love Donna’s comments about the snowshoeing. I’m like her, I can be doing fantastic until I find out exactly where I am or what I’m doing. Then I become unsure. This has been something I’ve worked on through the years and I like to think I’m “winning the battle” 🙂
I’ve always tried to live by I can do anything I want. I was looking for a new job and had applied on several. For one of them, I had no training or actual experience in the field. A co-worker asked me why I applied and thought I would get the job. I told her it’s because I think I can do it and I’m willing to learn. Anything can be taught but the willingness, fortitude and effort needed to be a success.
And you’re so right in you’re question “if we won’t how can we expect anyone else to?”. Love the post and thanks, again, for sharing your thoughts and perceptions, Kathy!
Hi Debbie! I don’t know about you but I would definitely benefit by being reminded EVERY SINGLE DAY that our perceptions are not necessarily reality. It is so easy to be seduced by our version of the world that we forget that we are all processing so differently. And yes, hopefully the older we get the more we “win the battle” but I still think it helps to be vigilant. Good for you for having an early sense that you didn’t want to be defined by limitations. Keep it up and remind me if I forget, okay? ~Kathy
Oh my gosh, I love your posts! You don’t post often, so I am always anticipating your next one and then so excited when it shows up.
I had to laugh at myself right from the start of this one. I have always loved maps. When I used to take road trips, I had my favorite road atlas in the seat next to me. When I lived in Paris I had a little street map booklet that went everywhere with me. Despite short winding streets and lots of traffic circles, I was never lost. And I always liked maps at parks, malls, hotels, that said “you are here” with a handy little arrow point out the spot where I stood.
I had not thought about maps in the context you describe here. (Again, I love the connections you make). I think about our “narrative” of our lives, of relationships, of circumstances, etc. We tell ourselves stories about what has happened…and then we believe them. I remember my mother telling stories of my childhood and wondering if this was really the woman I grew up with — I didn’t recognize anything she was saying!
Maps, I will always love them. But now I will never mistake them for the territory.
Hi Galen. Nice to know you’re a map-o-phile like me! I too have always loved them and get a real sense of where I am in “place” just by looking at them. Thom, not so much. He gets all turned around with them so that is why he is the driver and I am the navigator. But like I sort of implied in the post, I can get my nose stuck in one and forget to look around at what’s going on around me far too easily!
And I’m not surprised to hear that you like making connections between different contexts too. It definitely helps me to remember (and relate) to so many different things when I can find metaphors that fit our lives and circumstances. So when I find one that sticks out…like the quote “maps are not the territory” I start imaging all the different ways they apply. Thanks for letting me know you “got it!” And yeah, like many of us I realize that lots of my relatives have a dramatically different map than I do! Thanks for your thoughts! `Kathy
My wife and I are in a book group, and after our last meeting I confessed to my wife that I hate it when other people have a different opinion and disagree with my take on a book. Shouldn’t everyone see it from my point of view?!? So thanks for the reminder that we all come from different places, we all have different destinations, and so we all have different maps.
Hi Tom! Yeah it isn’t always easy to accept when other people have different points of view–especially those that are RADICALLY different form our own. And while I doubt there isn’t a person among us who at least feels that way at times, very few will admit it. I admire your honesty! Maybe if more of us were honest about it in the first place we would be a lot closer to not letting it determine our ultimate thinking and decisions. What do you think? Like you I do my best to remember but some days are better than others. ~Kathy
Hi, Kathy – This post about our ‘maps’ has great timing. I was just thinking about ‘labels’ which definitely come to play in your post. This morning, Richard and I were out snowshoeing. I love to stay on green and yellow trails (easy and medium). We lost track of trail signs and I was loving the exercise and breathtaking scenery. I wondered why Richard kept asking me if I was okay. When I realized we were on purple and black trails (challenging and technical) I panicked and began to lose my footing. We actually had been on a purple/black trail for over an hour and I was totally fine. But once it was labeled the experience instantly changed for me. 😀
Hi Donna. Thanks for a great example of what I was attempting to explain. I think many of us label ourselves in tiny (and sometimes) bigger ways and then forget them. Sometimes those labels can be good of course, like I like to think of myself as “positive” and “optimistic”. But that is only a part of what and who I am. And for as long as I’ve known you, you have often told the story of how you aren’t that athletic (especially compared to Richard) but from everything you do on a regular basis I think of you as super athletic…and you story about snowboarding really confirms that huh? Now hopefully that you KNOW you are better than you think you are next time you’ll not be worried about those more aggressive trails! ~Kathy
Hi, Kathy – I just shared your post and comment with Richard. He agrees that I definitely need to update my labels (or lose them completely). I believe that many of us do 😀
Kathy, I am not so sure that the answer is entirely in ‘questioning our maps’ (although that would help) so much as it is in accepting that other people have different maps and we need to respect their choices and beliefs. If we stopped demonizing differences and actually tried to understand each other we might actually all end up on the same path. Or, at least one that looks somewhat familiar.
Enjoy your trip planning. I can’t wait to see where you go. No doubt it won’t look exactly as planned, but sometimes that’s a good thing!
Hi Suzanne. You bring up an interesting perspective, but to my way of thinking, unless we are willing to even acknowledge that our maps are not our whole selves (anymore than the maps of others are their whole selves) I doubt we will ever get to accepting each other for who we really are. Of course that’s just “my map”! Haha… As a concept, I’m afraid that far too many of us don’t want to acknowledge that our differences are a degree of programming and until we are willing to “question” that programing we can’t change. I think we agree that peace and compassion starts with us, but I find I need to keep digging within me to make sure I’m not overlooking blindspots. Thanks for helping me think this through. ~Kathy