Last night Thom and I sat down to watch a new Syfy thriller on television. Although the reviews were promising, after about a half hour of watching things blow up, people dying, and young-twenty-somethings behave in idiotic ways, we turned it off. After all, what was the point? That question has been on my mind after finishing a book entitled The Point Is by Lee Eisenberg. The author believes that how we answer that question should help each of us make sense of birth, death and everything in between. And maybe, just maybe, answering it on a regular basis could assist us in living SMART and making the most of every precious moment of our lives.
Unfortunately, a lot of what seems to happen is that many people’s lives appear to ramble along without a consistent or meaningful point. And yes, I can be guilty of that myself now and then. Whenever we rush around, filling up our days with busy work or habitual activities, whenever we live unconsciously doing things we think other people want, whenever we take the easy way out because it doesn’t seem to matter, we are muddling up the point. Our point. Then like the television program from last night, perhaps it’s time just to turn it off?
Naturally, a journalist and author like Eisenberg believes the key to finding out the point of our lives is for us each to create a story out of it all. Whatever narrative we use for our ever-evolving story allows us to, “link our ‘reconstructed past’ –how we remember things, accurately or not—with our imagined future.” To the extent we hone our narrating skills and create a story that gradually becomes complete, coherent and ultimately meaningful, to that degree do the “points” of our lives become fulfilling and satisfying.
Yet Eisenberg doesn’t just let it all go with that statement. Instead, like any writer, he weaves together elements of his learning and understanding to showcase how every story evolves. Of course, there is the beginning, middle and ending which all must add up to something significant to both the storyteller and anyone else who is listening.
Do the themes and events in our story matter? Yes and no. What matters most in any story is what we choose to remember and where it goes from there. The author quotes Gerald M. Edelman, a Nobel Prize winner with, “Every act of perception is to some degree an act of creation, and every act of memory is to some degree an act of imagination.”
Eisenberg is also a fan of thinking through the prolog to our life stories. Don’t believe you have one? Were you born a blank slate or were pre-loaded with some form of software? Were you born into bliss or born into sin? What is the legacy of your species? What prejudices does your culture hold? What does all that mean to you as an individual? While we seldom take the time to think about it, it matters to our story. Eisenberg says, “How you conjure your prestory can have a definite bearing on what you expect the ultimate point of your life to be.”
Once we get going with our narrative it is common to focus on the turning points that stand out in our memories. Those key, or “nuclear episodes” help to move the story forward in a predictable way. Those wisdom events are usually a time when we undergo a significant change in our lives. Discovering your calling in high school, meeting your soul mate, confronting the person who betrayed you, landing that coveted job, getting cancer, writing that book, are all pivotal points that can all lead up to the point behind it all.
But as any writer knows, it’s the middle of the story that can get bogged down and cause trouble. Why? Because if a writer (or a person living their life) waits until the middle to start wondering about the point of it all and how it might end, then the entire story can often stall or go completely off the rails. Whether it’s a life, an article, or a book, it’s the same. If I start a blog post without knowing what my point is, I’ll find myself in the middle with a bunch of words on a page and confused about what comes next. So, why should a midlife crisis be a surprise when people find themselves nearing 50 with no idea how they got there and fear for what comes next.
Eisenberg believes a key to avoiding a pointless life is to get past a hazy passivity, idle uselessness, and disengagement with life. Instead, he says, “A meaningful life is one that satisfies desires; connects to something beyond yourself; and results in something of objective, positive value.” But going even further, it is collectively weaving the memories and events in our lives and recognizing that we are moving onward and upward in a progressively positive way. Ultimately, “It’s the shape of a life that matters.”
The challenge, of course, is not to let the final stage, or third part of the story, end up in a downward-sloping slog. Now that so many of us are living for extended years in “biological sterility,” the larger point of our lives has nothing to do with our ability to procreate and everything to do with ongoing creativity. So, what meaning will we find there and what will we make of it? Eisenberg is convinced that exploring how we want our story to end offers benefits to all of us in the process.
Of course, all writers struggle with wondering when the story is complete. Every post I write I am tempted to add another paragraph, to clarify something else more fully, to explore a new idea. But when is enough, enough? Similarly, is there ever a right time to die? By first overcoming the strangeness of death and any fears and aversions we hold, it’s beneficial to wrap up our narratives on a high, rather than a painful descent into fear, pain and suffering. As Eisenberg says, “The main thing is that a story, long or short, and a life story, long or short, be well resolved by the end. Does the story deliver? And does it satisfy?”
There are a lot of other writing tips in the book and lots of questions about how we view life and death. But best of all is Eisenberg’s admonition, “The point is to write the best story we can. The point is to keep the story from obsessing over what’s lacking, inferior, or ugly in life and instead cast our attention on the good, the true, and the beautiful, never overlooking the pain or injustice but confronting them.” While those elements might not be the point of your personal story, it might be SMART to include them in of at least one your chapters.
This was an inspiring read…what is the point of everything ? Thinking of it baffles me. Like Eisenberg said.. the point is to write the best story we can…loved that quote . 🙂
I found this super interesting today, because my graduate program in past life regression is revealing my story and in fact, the technique can help everyone reveal THEIR story. I am fascinated by all of it. Thanks for this great read today.
Hi Carol! Oh good. I’m glad when my words can inspire others 🙂 And I look forward to reading on your blog how that is revealed. Creating a good, inspiring and satisfying story is so very important. ~Kathy
You have given me a true eye-opening moment. I’m feeling a little stuck. I’m feeling a little bogged down. I’m going to start telling myself it’s OK I’m just in the middle of my story.
Hi Carla! Happy to help 🙂 In fact, the author quotes another writer, Robert Nozick as having a good suggestion for when we are “stuck in the middle” and that is to “you train yourself to think you’re never more than halfway through a given run of chapters…..The philosopher’s clever trick doesn’t add more pages to your life story. You don’t get to live longer. What it does is provide a more manageable view of the time left in which you can do good stuff. It can help you choose which goals can be reasonably set and successfully achieved over the next designated run of chapters.” So no matter where we are in life, by thinking of it as only half way through we’ve got all the time we need to do something wonderful! ~Kathy
“A meaningful life is one that satisfies desires; connects to something beyond yourself; and results in something of objective, positive value.” I love this quote. It’s also where I, gratefully, am in life.
Hi Connie! Yes, isn’t it a good one. And surely one that all of us aim for if we are living a SMART Life! Thanks for your comment. ~Kathy
I’ve not read that book yet, but it is a fascinating theory and like you I love to take bits and pieces and mold into my own life circumstances. It’s never a one size fits all process but an ever evolving enlightenment for lack of a better word.
Hi Rena! Yes! Obviously, as authors we are all very very different. That certainly makes life interesting don’t you think? And as for and ever-evolving enlightenment, Eisenberg quotes the New York Times as saying we are in the midst of a “creative writing boomlet.” At our age, the call to write and explain our narratives is very strong even if it is changing as we go! ~Kathy
Now that I am in midlife, I wonder if I moved into eternity, would my story end? Would it be carried on by our families? It’s a sobering thought that we keep writing this story. So much to think about with this. Maybe bloggers and writers are like sharks that have to keep swimming to breathe, we must keep writing, else we die. Hmmm. I suppose the good thing is that at our age, we have so much to share if we wrote about it we could theoretically live forever.
Hi Terri! Thanks for your willingness to vocalize your questions. Many of them are explored in the book more fully but especially this quote by Anais Nin that goes….
“We…write to heighten our own awareness of life, we write to lure and enchant and console others, we write to serenade our lovers. We write to taste life twice, in the moment, and in retrospection. We write, like Proust, to render all of it eternal, and to persuade ourselves that it is eternal. We write to be able to transcend our life and reach beyond it…..”
So very true and perceptive of you! ~Kathy
I loved this: “A meaningful life is one that satisfies desires; connects to something beyond yourself; and results in something of objective, positive value.” It’s really what we all want our lives to be about isn’t it? To leave a legacy and to know that we didn’t just tread water until we died.
Hi Leanne! Yes so very true and with a strong intention to make sure our “story” does just that, we all have something to shoot for don’t we? Best of all, the author doesn’t try to tell us HOW to do that, only that when we do we will surely know “thta we didn’t just tread water until we died.” Thanks for your comment! ~Kathy
Interesting comparison of writing and living our lives, both best done with a point. In writing, we start out with a point (or, at least an idea of our story). When we are born and well into our childhood, we probably wouldn’t be able to articulate our point. It isn’t until most of us are older and more mature that we start to think about our point or story. Either way: “the main thing is that a story, long or short, and a life story, long or short, be well resolved by the end. Does the story deliver? And does it satisfy?” Love that!
Hi Janis! Eisenberg quotes author Dan P. McAdams saying that we typically start thinking of our lives as some form of narrative in adolescence and use that evolving story to come up with our own “personal myth.” He then says, “we draw on our personal myth to make sense of ourselves.” But whether we wait until we are more mature to find the point or not, it’s an ever-evolving one. And in true SMART fashion he carries that theme forward with, “A great life story is a story that adds up–that’s what it’s about, adding up. A story that adds up bulges with meaningful memories.” So many great thoughts and perspectives for us all. ~Kathy
I like this Kathy. it reminds me of setting goals and life plans, 1 year, 5 or 10 years at a time. Not being rigid about keeping exactly to the plan or goal but to be the captain of our own ship of life.
Hi Haralee! Yes there are some good reminders in the book about taking responsibility for our future and working to create the life we want. One suggestion I got a kick out of comes from author Robert Nozick when he suggests that you “train yourself to think you’re never more than halfway through a given run of chapters.” As long as we continue to believe (regardless of whether we do or don’t) that we have lots of time and energy ahead of us to reach those goals, then we continue on believing there is plenty of time to enjoy the “good stuff.” Far better than worrying and lamenting over what we’ve lost or how little time is left don’t you think? ~Kathy
Kathy, I just LOVE this: “Every act of perception is to some degree an act of creation, and every act of memory is to some degree an act of imagination.” Wow, do I love that!! (Did I say I love that? LOL)
We imagine and create minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day–it’s just a question of how consciously we do so. I continue to look backward and forward and all around me and try as I might, the part about doing it consciously continues to be my greatest challenge.
I also couldn’t help wondering as I read your post: as much as the middle can get muddled, the ending can remain mysterious, don’t you think? I mean yes, you write with a thought or idea or theme in mind, but do we ever really know how it will truly end? Do we want to?
Thought-provoking Kathy … and another book to add to my growing list of “to read”! Thank you.
Hey Tracey! Isn’t that an awesome quote? It is so very relevant to the entire book because although Eisenberg is a writer and is firmly convinced about the “storyline of our lives” he mainly just makes suggestions about how it should go based on the people and stories that he quotes throughout. When I was reading it I KNEW you’d love it and wish you lived close so I could just loan it to you! I highly recommend it–it’s an easy read–and very valuable to all of us who write. ~Kathy
I’m copying that quote and putting it on my desk as a reminder.
The book is now in my Amazon shopping cart, so you are kinda sorta giving it to me anyway. Thank you. 😉
I love this, Kathy. So right on the nose!
Hi Tam! Yes! I was guessing that any of us who write on a regular basis would resonate with this. Glad you liked it! ~Kathy
I love when we talk of our lives as stories! Especially since that’s the entire focus of mine. Whether I’m writing fiction, or editing that of others’, those dreaded sagging middles can sure bog us down. And as you say, that mirrors real life as well.
I’ve been blessed to always know the point of my life–some say to a fault. But it’s where my passion lies, and that brings just the best of life.
Great post, Kathy! Thank You!
Hi Susan! Glad you liked it. The entire book is filled with all sorts of great perspectives from writers about both writing and about life as well. Lots of jewels in her and I highly recommend it. And good for you for finding and staying focused on what brings you such joy! ~Kathy
Great read Kathy, really enjoyed this. The quote: “The point is to write the best story we can. The point is to keep the story from obsessing over what’s lacking, inferior, or ugly in life…” really hit home for me. thank you!
Hi Dorene! Thank you. I did think that quote was such a lovely way of saying what I think most of us really believe. As an optimist, I find that I’m finding it more and more difficult to be sucked into the drama and negativity that seems to be such a part of most people’s “stories” these days. Far better to stay focused on the good and meaningful don’t you think? ~Kathy