Like the game or just going after the trophy?
The other day during my morning walk I was listening to a talk by Abraham-Hicks who is the author of The Law Of Attraction. I find that listening to talks while walking makes the time go quickly, and if I’m listening to something uplifting I start my day in a positive way. During that particular morning Abraham-Hicks was responding to a question from a young man who wanted to know why it was taking so long for his dreams to be realized. Like many people, he wanted to know if he was doing something wrong or if there was something he could do to make it happen faster. That’s when Abraham-Hicks asked the young man a question that made me stop, rewind my iPod and listen again. She asked, “Do you think any successful person is doing what they do just for the trophy? Or do you think they love the game?” When I heard those questions I knew it applied to most people, myself included, in more ways than we usually consider.
Abraham-Hicks didn’t stop there. She continued asking, “Do you think an accomplished artist stops painting when they paint a masterpiece? Do you think a top athlete stops practicing their sport when they win the Gold Medal at the Olympics? Do you think an author stops writing when they publish a book? Ninety-nine percent of those winners never stop doing what they do because they happen to love the game they have created. Their reward is just an outward sign of their success.
Of course trophy accumulation has taken on increased meaning in our gamified world these days. Online games have ramped up both the desire to play games and to claim trophies, badges and even “likes.” Although the trend was primarily developed as a marketing tool used by businesses to shape consumer behavior, there are some who see it growing beyond that. Author and game developer Jane McGonigal says in her book Reality Is Broken. “I foresee games that augment our most essential human capabilities—to be happy, resilient, creative—and empower us to change the world in meaningful ways.”
While that seems a bit farfetched to me, many of us do seek the rewards of games without even considering the why of it. Any of us who ever count the “likes” we have on our Facebook page or tabulate the number of followers on our blogs are guilty. The vast majority of us like the type of feedback that trophies or awards offer because humans are psychologically drawn to verified measurements of progress. But is that why most of us play to begin with? And how does any of this apply to the game of life?
Of course, you may or may not like the metaphor that life is a game. Just like when I wrote about metaphors several weeks ago, life being a game is just one way of describing a deeper experience of life that is difficult to explain. Another metaphor that is similar in many ways is that life is a journey. In fact, asking whether a person is focused on the destination, rather than the journey is exactly how I see the question—are you doing it for the trophy or do you like to play the game?
That leads to three questions that can help clarify the answer to either question:
#1 What is the purpose of your life? How you answer that question likely points out if you love the “game” of it, or if the trophy or destination is your primary goal. Abraham-Hicks teaches that we never arrive at any ultimate destination because life itself is an ever-expanding experience of growth, enjoyment and evolution.
Eleanor Roosevelt said something similar with, “The purpose of life is to live it, to taste experience to the utmost, to reach out eagerly and without fear for newer and richer experience.” Eckhart Tolle, author of The Power of Now teaches, “A new heaven and a new earth are arising within each of us at this moment. So awakening to your life’s purpose is not to try to look to the future and expect fulfillment there but to stay in the moment, allowing the ego to dissolve.” While each of these teachers offer a similar perspective, it really boils down to your answer to the question.
#2 Are you sacrificing everything in the NOW just to reach that destination or win the trophy? Daniel Gilbert, Professor at Harvard University and author of Stumbling On Happiness says, “What we’ve been seeing in my lab, over and over again, is that people have an inability to predict what will make us happy — or unhappy. If you can’t tell which futures are better than others, it’s hard to find happiness. The truth is, bad things don’t affect us as profoundly as we expect them to. That’s true of good things, too. We adapt very quickly to either.”
In other words, even though we often think that things will be better, improve or make us happier when we reach that goal, win the trophy or accomplish the skill, we will likely stay about the same as we are right now. So like Wayne Dyer says, “When you dance, your purpose is not to get to a certain place on the floor. It’s to enjoy each step along the way.”
#3 What is a trophy anyway and why do we care? It’s fairly obvious why we want to win a trophy—it makes us feel good about what we’ve done or accomplished. But those who hand out trophies or other awards often have two rationales: #1 They want to reward a special behavior; #2 They want to motivate us to do or continue doing something. Many times they want to do both at the same time.
A big problem with all that is that research shows that people who have been given trophies just for participation and no special activity don’t value the reward much at all. We know when we deserve recognition and when we get it without earning it we devalue its meaning. Over the long run this decreases our motivation and actually can cause us to crumble at the first sign of difficulty. These behaviors are the exact opposite of the intended outcome.
The other unexpected outcome is that prizes often put our attention on the end result rather than the process or the progress along the way. Plus, if that trophy looks particularly shiny we might be encouraged to do things to obtain it that are contrary to our own integrity. Unfortunately the nightly news is filled with examples of people willing to do just about anything to achieve that glittery reward at any cost. In the end, caring more for the trophy than how we play the game is full of complications.
In many ways the journey on the road to a destination (or to receiving an award or a trophy) is similar to why we strive to receive an education. As a professor of medicine named Carmel Mallia said, “…education does not stop with the collection of a degree. Education, like life, is a journey, not a destination; it is a habit of mind, a philosophy of life, a way of being,”
I heard Abraham-Hicks offer one more piece of advice during her recent talk that stuck with me. She asked, “Do you go on a trip or take a vacation just to get back home as quickly as possible?” No—at least I don’t! I travel to experience, express and enjoy the journey as much as possible. Home will always be there when we return, and hopefully we have grown, shared some laughs and evolved along the way. That piece of advice certainly sounds SMART to me!
Well, Kathy. You did a great job when posting this useful article here. I found it unexpectedly and I rather love what you mentioned here. Playing online games will bring us lots of great fun. I also permit my little son to play some, of course under my control. In addition, I see that you have lots of helpful articles. I will come back to your site to update further awesome articles. Keep continuing!
Hey Kathy, such an interesting topic to think about in a current situation. As you asked, “Do you think an accomplished artist stops painting when they paint a masterpiece?”. I think the change is only one thing, which is constant in the world. So, everyone needs a change and updating in their activities, and the same thing is suited to the gaming concept. Thus, we have to keep playing the games without thinking the loss or win.
Hi Christ Jopher! Thanks for stopping by SMART Living and sharing your thoughts on this–especially as some who is obviously into games. I agree that change and challenging ourselves toward new things can be a benefit so it’s interesting to consider that that is reason enough to play (regardless of the trophy.) Thanks for that perspective. ~Kathy
You are wellcome Kathy, Thanks alot your blog give me some inspiration, in your experience that you shared you monetized with Amazon affiliated, it’s very inspiringfull for Us, in my country never see like that, Its pure Blogging mindset and the True way… Good luck Kathy…
This is usefull article for us,I find that the practice of mindfulness and really staying present to our experience can help stay focused on the process and not the trophy–and I seem to need regular reminders of that, so your post is my reminder for today!
I love the great ideas of listening to inspirational writers while exercising or walking!
Hi Alfa Trophy! Welcome to SMART Living and I’m glad to hear you practice mindfulness. I think the more active we are in the world and online, the more we definitely need to stay present to our experiences. Thanks for your thoughts on this….~Kathy
Hi Kathy,
Thanks for appreciating my thoughts. Online games are great for fun. I really love to read your posts. I will definitely come back to your blog to read more useful and informative posts.
You’re so welcome Jolly! And thanks for your encouragement. ~Kathy
Hi Kathy,
Nice post. I like to play games not only for trophy. I love to play games for fun and enjoyment. Online games playing is one of the best way to getting fun in free time. Nowadays, lots of new gaming consoles are available with latest gaming features that helps to make gaming more enjoyable.
Thanks for this great post. Have a good day!
Hi Jolly! Thanks for stopping by SMART Living and sharing your thoughts. I’m glad to hear you enjoy playing online games for the fun of it–and hope you equally enjoy the “play” and experience of life for the fun–and not for one or two trophies you might pick up along the way! Thanks again for your comment. ~Kathy
Hi Miss Kathy,
I love reading your posts and comments. For me, I going after the trophy and even if I lose, I can still enjoy it because it is a game.
Hi Erwin! Thank you for coming by SMART Living and leaving a comment. Yes, remembering that we enjoy the game or the journey along the way helps take the focus off of winning. Glad you enjoyed this post. Come back and visit when you can. ~Kathy
Hmm…what an interesting topic to mull over.
All the examples cited (an artist continuing to create after painting their masterpiece, the athlete continuing to play after winning the gold medal, etc. absolutely ring true, but I wonder if that just highlights the fact that most people aren’t working in careers they are fully passionate about. That’s not to say that most hate their jobs. Quite the contrary — at least I hope! But I’m not sure that the masses, no matter how much they enjoy their chosen job/career are breathing that rarified air of the acclaimed artist, the elite athlete, the successful musician. Maybe it’s actually the difference between careers in the arts, versus those in industry, science or business?
I’d like to think there’s an actual reason why so many of us are wired to strive for the prize/trophy. Over the years I had many periods where I was fully satisfied in every aspect of my career — and willing to put in exorbitant hours (of my own volition, not because someone asked me to) — because I wanted to excel. Did I want the prize that came with that (money, trips, acclaim)? Absolutely – I won’t deny that. But I also just really enjoyed the work.
Hmm…definitely one worth thinking about some more. The Dyer quote really resonated. We don’t dance to get to a spot on the dance floor (well, maybe the professional ballroom folks do, but the rest of us don’t!). We dance just for the pleasure of dancing!
oh, but can you imagine, Kathy, if someone walked up and gave us a big blue ribbon for how lovely we had danced?? 😉
Hey Nancy! How are you feeling today ( I just read your recent post!) I’m glad to see/read that you are taking it easy and not out running!)
And yes, you bring up some interesting questions yourself. I agree that that my examples compared “elites” in all fields, and that isn’t the experience of most people. Unfortunately I do think that many, many people work at jobs they dislike. According to Forbes, 63% of all people in 189 different countries to not feel “engaged” in their work. And a full 24% are actively disengaged (which Forbes interprets to say they HATE their jobs.) Why on earth are all these people doing things they dislike? I agree that much of the time we must work at something…but there has to be a better way.
And as to why I think so many of us push ourselves to win that prize is that many of us are trained and make a habit of being competitive. That’s why so many consumer groups and marketing companies are “gamifying” so many things these days. They realize that humans can be addicted to reaching for points, awards, badges, likes, numbers etc. of all types and they figure they can “guide” our actions in ways that serve them. In many ways I think our cultures emphasize the end result so much of the time that we overlook the processes to get there …that’s why books like The Power of Now resonate with people so much is because it tells us instead to stop looking to the future and just enjoy the present moment. I also think we have been trained by many religious traditions to think that our experiences here on planet Earth don’t matter–and that the ultimate reward comes when we are dead. Many of those “traditions” are in the control business and ask us to give up happiness in the here and now and look forward to the time when we will repeat our just “reward.”
While I do enjoy winning and counting my FB likes as much as the next person, I think it is just so much more healthy to keep it all in balance. If you do anything to the excess (and especially anything that causes more pain than pleasure) just to get to that end result, then you are missing IMHO the best of the experience. And honestly, I so love to dance that I could care less if I EVER won an award. ~Kathy
Hi Kathy !I am a newcomer here. Just stumbled upon your blog through Google and I feel so lucky to have found it. The inherent message in your present article is very relevant and powerful. For a guy with passion, a reward (in the form of a win or trophy) is just a milestone in a never ending journey. Somehow, your post reminds me of Thomas Edison, the most prolific inventor of modern times. Edison did not invent a light bulb or a Phonograph with the sole purpose of gaining recognition or any monetary reward. The constant pursuit of various scientific phenomena was his passion. He cherished the research part as much as he cherished its outcomes. The main thing, in my opinion, is passion. If we are really passionate about something, just doing it is sufficient to fulfill our soul. Once again thanks for writing this inspiring post.
Hi Eklavya! Thank you so much for stopping by SMART Living and joining the conversation. I too am glad you found us! And thank you too for sharing the idea of Thomas Edison. While I don’t know all the details of his work, what I vaguely remember is that he just kept at his work because, as you say, he just loved the exploration it. Something else you point out is that when you follow your passion it is seldom about trophies OR ABOUT MONEY right? I so agree that when we are passionate about something we do it because it fulfills our soul. Thanks again for your thoughts. And now I shall have to check out your site as well. 🙂 ~Kathy
I’m with Eleanor Roosevelt. Life is a series of experiences and I want to enjoy each one at that moment. I tend to live in the present more than either the future or the past. It was a way of life as a child, as I never knew how long I would be physically independent or what age I might live to (first diagnosis was I would never live beyond age 14). So I learned to appreciate the moment.
That’s not to say that I don’t enjoy a good game. I avoid casinos as I like to win and will blow through any amount of money I take in with me. Games can be a thrill to me same as one who enjoys extreme sports.
Hi Lois! Isn’t that a great quote from Eleanor Roosevelt? I had never heard it before I found it while writing this post. I can see where you would be more likely to appreciate living each moment as fully as possible. I think it was Eckhart Tolle who said that two kinds of people find it easier to live in the present moment than any other. Those two people were either a person in prison on a life sentence, or someone with a very threatening health condition. While those aren’t something that most of us would strive for, there is an advantage that most of us desire.
But yes, games can be a be addicting huh? Good thing you know yourself well enough to know what to watch for. 🙂 Thanks for stopping by and joining the conversation. ~Kathy
Great Post Kathy 🙂
Personally I don’t see life as a game because usually in a game, there are winners and there are losers and I would rather think of everyone as a winner in one way or the other!
That being said, while I do stuff for my own reward, I do find that those little trophies along the way, help keep the momentum flowing. Especially during those times of self-reflection or self-doubt!
That being said, you are absolutely right though that the game should be played for the love of it!
Thanks again and take care. My best to all.
Lyle
Hi Lyle! I know that some people aren’t crazy about the “life being a game” metaphor because it seems to trivialize the experience. That’s why I think the idea of life being a “journey, rather than the destination” makes it easier to understand the same sort of process. And with you being a person who knows the joy of simple, I know that you enjoy the process every single day! I agree that trophies can give us a little boost of motivation to keep playing, but ultimately the best rewards are those we get when we know we did exactly what we came here to do! Keep playing! ~Kathy
What a thought provoking post. Thanks! I think everyone has heard the quote,’Life is a journey’, but happiness along the journey is precarious.
Hi Haralee! Glad you liked the post! That tells me you are enjoying the “game” and the journey as well. And yes, happiness can be defined in lots of different ways, but appreciating the process (no matter what that is!) is something we can all do no matter what. Keep playing! ~Kathy
Very thought provoking article. For me #2 sacrificing the now rings especially true. I spent 30+ years in Silicon Valley across various start ups where people worked incredible and often inhuman hours. Everyone was slaving away in the hopes of the big payoff, whatever that might be. I remember a management offsite when one after another stood up to complain about the sacrifice required when it came to spending time with family. It just wasn’t fair. When it came time for me to speak I basically said how you spend your time is up to you. No one is forcing you down the path you pursue – it is your choice. I long ago gave up the slippery climb to the corporate top in exchange for time with my family. Less dollars sure, but you cannot put a price tag on seeing your son get on base in little league or your daughter ballet dancing her little self across the stage. I made the decision to put family first and have never regretted one moment! 🙂
Hi Dave! Yes, I think this post addresses many issues that many people would be wise to address long before they get to the retirement stage. I’m sure you talk to people all the time that tell you how they can’t wait to leave their awful job and retire so they can finally enjoy themselves. They sacrifice is all for that big “payoff” as you say.
Good for you for recognizing early on that there was a much better approach to it all. As you say, spending quality time with the people you love is worth SO much more than just a few more dollars in the bank. And don’t we all know that we’d rather be with that person than have them sacrifice for us in the first place? Keep spreading that news to all your followers and keep PLAYING! ~Kathy
This is such an important post. Your #1 is the key to everything. I just don’t think we’re here to get trophies–we are here to share our gifts in whatever way we can and it doesn’t always mean what we think it does. Heart this post!
Hi Carol! Yes, I agree that the #1 question is so very important. I am constantly reminded that Albert Einstein said, “The most important question you can ever ask yourself is: Is the Universe Friendly?” That question also speaks to the idea of why we are here and what’s it all about. I too think a big part of “playing the game” is sharing our gifts. After all, what fun is a game if you don’t play it with others? Thanks for your thoughts and comment….enjoy your game this weekend! ~Kathy
I loved this post, Kathy. It’s such an important message now more than ever. I have read Ekart Tolle’s work and enjoyed it. It’s funny how we forget these messages over time and it’s always helpful to review works we’ve read before (I guess this reaffirms the idea that education, like life is a journey). Focusing on LIKES and followers can really be addictive and counterproductive lol. It’s a new competition that we never had before. Thanks for this enlightening post.
p.s. I love the idea of listening to inspirational writers while exercising or walking!
Hi Lisa! Thanks for sharing your ideas on this post. And I too have read several of Eckart Tolle’s books and listened to some of his books and I constantly need to be reminded of his ideas because they run counter to so many of our race consciousness ideas. Lots of good reminders to stay awake, aware and in the present moment in all of his work.
And I highly recommend walking and listening to good talks (or books) while walking. I get inspired and often get ideas for blog posts. Whatever you have planned this weekend….make it awesome! ~Kathy
Excellent post, Kathy! I had not heard the Dyer quote but it really puts it in perspective, doesn’t it?
I find that the practice of mindfulness and really staying present to our experience can help stay focused on the process and not the trophy–and I seem to need regular reminders of that, so your post is my reminder for today!
Hi Melinda! Nice to hear from you. I hope your “enjoying your game these days!” And I hadn’t heard that Dyer quote before either. And as a person who loves to dance it definitely makes sense. You are so right that staying mindful helps us stay “present to our experience.” Glad you found the post helpful. Keep playing AND dancing! ~Kathy
Hi Kathy,
Lovely post, as always. 🙂
I can see why you love your walks, especially when you listen to such inspiration, the first thing in the morning. Yes, I do that sometimes too, though usually listen light soul-lifting music instead.
Coming to the post – I loved what Wayne Dyer says, “When you dance, your purpose is not to get to a certain place on the floor. It’s to enjoy each step along the way.”
Life certainly is a journey, not the end result of destination. Yes, we all would love to win the trophy and reach the end result as soon as we can, but I wonder if we’d really be happy once we reach there or achieve it all.
I think real happiness lies in participating in the game, just as we should do in the game of life – it’s the process which is more important than the end result. Even though it takes time and you might not win in the end, at least you participated, and were present in every moment, which is more important.
Thanks for sharing. Have a nice weekend 🙂
Hi Harleena! You are ALWAYS the first to comment on my posts because you are always wide awake when they “Go Live!” Thank you! 🙂 And yes, isn’t that quote by Wayne Dyer awesome. I had never read it before researching this article and I actually think it is one of his better ones. And I agree that while it is nice to win trophies when we can–but isn’t it so nice just to participate and enjoy the process as you say? Be sure and have a lovely weekend yourself! And thanks again for your thoughts. ~Kathy